Always Right Here

Last night, out of frustration with my struggles with tobacco and alcohol (And general attachment to desire), I decided to use some transdimensional plants as a "kick in the pants". As I'm sure you all know (But just for posterity's sake), these things are not a toy and should be used under the guidance of a skilled shaman, or if one is not available, only with the most concrete intention (IE: AS SPIRITUAL MEDICINE). While setting the intention for this journey, I decided I would make contact with and seek the help of the beings who I had been in contact with, and if they are the same, then the "RA" collective as well.

What I experienced is difficult to write about. Not only is it hard to describe but it was highly emotional to a point of overwhelm. I asked the "beings" specifically if I should share this and they said yes, that one reason I was engaging in the excercise was to bring information down to share.

I had a usual overwhelming of the sensory input and lay down, closed my eyes, went off into my "trip". After another customary period of adjustment (Going into "void" space), I found myself somewhere I could not identify but which was very familiar. Not a completely physical place but yet somewhat like a hospital. I was being placed (re-placed, actually) in a row of some kind with other beings, like myself, but somehow faceless to me, I could not make them out as individuals. We were all bent out of shape somehow, it's hard to describe, but this was the symbolism: Our limbs were folded oddly, all of us stacked together like broken folding tables or in beds. This was somehow representing all humanity as well as an inner dimension of my own. It is difficult to present anything in chronological order but I'll give some points:

I heard the most compassionate voice say "We found you like this", meaning the condition of being "bent out of shape". This voice belonged to whoever was taking care of all of us in these "stacks". I recognized this fellow from several gatherings I have been to. Let us here call him "Dave", and oddly enough he only seems to appear when I am either intoxicated on hallucinogenics or around a bunch of other people who are. I've really only seen him about five or six times, spent a few hours with him at most each time. He is about my age, very handsome, very kind and soft spoken, very extroverted dancer. He introduced me to the term "Radical honesty". Not too surprising that he should show up in my trip, but the manner in which he appeared was very odd to me: First of all he was in charge of this "wing" or "ward" or whatever it was, he was the head doctor, "Doctor Dave" I kept calling him. He was dressed in a lab coat, all very unlike the Dave I know.

This was the beginning of a feeling that pervaded the experience: That I was in a whole other reality, very very much like this one, with the same people from my everday but playing different roles. That this was somehow the "real" reality and I was caught up in some kind of delusion or dream. In the real reality, Dave is my best friend and an absolutely brilliant neural doctor of some kind. He is very worried about me because I'm stuck in a delusion and it's partly because of some experiments we are doing together ("We occasionally have problems like this with these sorts of consciousness projects...We're doing everything we can to bring him back", I remember Dave saying to my wife). Basically I am comatose in some kind of bed, I seem as if I'm there, my eyes are open and move and everything, but I can't percieve my family and friends around me, all I can percieve is this illusion that I believe is my day to day life. Another friend, let's call her "Kali", is there too, in that reality she is my wife. I do have feelings for this woman, but she is by no means my wife, and has refused any romantic advances I've made toward her. Dave feels terrible for Kali, he feels responsible for putting me where I am and leaving her alone without a mate or a father for the children.

I had several moments of feeling that reality clearly and completely, of feeling so cut off from what really was, so frustrated with being stuck in illusion. I realized all I wanted in any world was to see my wife's face again and to touch her hand, and I was so pained that every time I opened my eyes I could only see Maya again. I missed my two daughters so much and just wanted to go home and be a husband and father, I was so tired of doing this work that I was doing, whatever that was, even though I felt like it was very important. Odd feelings for me because I've never been married, had children, or had a really "important" job, but I know now what all that feels like without any doubt. I came to a point where I was so frustrated that I called out to them. Usually when I would speak in that reality it would be unintelligibles about the illusion I am in, but I knew they were there at that moment and called out for them, told them how much I loved them. I told them how sorry I was that I could not escape the reality I was in, and that I had tried as hard as I could, that all I wanted to do was see my wife again. At a certain moment I broke through, and it was as if I walked through a mirror and came out the same side I went in, if that makes sense. The whole paradigm of being in this hospital fell away, but the characters were still left, and the essence of the situation (Without the story of Dave being the doctor and Kali my wife, etc).

They said, in a way that was so loving I could never reproduce it with writing: "Do you understand, dear child? We just don't want to see you get so caught up in the illusion again!"

They care so much, it is so beautiful! Just look at the way of teaching! But that was just for me, they had a message for everyone that they told me I should share:

He said to me: "We found you like this", and by that he didn't just mean me, he meant all of us.

All I could think to say was: "Wow, I'm in bad shape, how did I get this way?"

"We don't know," and in all their wizdom they were utterly confounded, "but this is how we found you. Wandering, confused and 'in pieces' (sic) among the stars. Unable to create, unable to make decisions or process reality. So we put you all here together in this highly plastic reality for your healing." This was accompanied by a set of pictures somehow, these were more than just words, worlds is more like it. Images of light beings fragmented like broken glass all over themselves, limbs missing, etc. Flailing about wildly like a dying insect in search for some hold on something transitory, it knows not what because it knows not how to process anything "what". Speculation about what caused our condition, the best guess is images of some type of spiritual atomic bomb, some sort of attempted soul annihilation. Rows of beings nestled in some kinds of coocoons, almost bringing to mind images of "The Matrix" but with a much more spiritual/organic feel. This being, presenting itself as my friend Dave, and others like him, were "tending" the coocoons very lovingly. I was flabbergasted by that: The being appearing as Dave made a really funny face at me, one not possible to make physically (He shapeshifted), making light of my fears of "reptilians" and cyborgs. They hinted that what they were was so far beyond anything like that that it was funny to them, in a slightly obtuse way, that I would even think of it. They also indicated that I was a "repeat troublemaker" and had had to be "put back to sleep" several times in order to prevent any disturbance. This "highly plastic reality" they had put us in was like some kind of ward for very disturbed or abused children. There was a vibration that I should not get too crazy with my awareness or it could cause problems for other "patients" who were still not ready or having problems with theirs. Also they were guardians to the outside, there was an energy of "Do not disturb these children! They are resting, they are healing". I believe this is a part of this "quarantine", a primary reason for it.

"Really? REALLY?? Is this REALLY TRUE?" Was my reaction. "All of this time, all this effort, all this drama, all this life: We have just been waiting, waiting for recovery, waiting for god?"

And the beings' gentle reply was, "Yes, dear children. And we have been watching over you and waiting with you. We are always here in your hearts and will be waiting to kiss you when you wake up". Suddenly the whole drama of the hospital and the coma made sense on a new level, the Dave and Kali characters represented these beings, and I was one of them, just asleep, caught in the dream of my healing.

I had the most proufound emotional feeling as I realized the full truth of these words, the answer that I had come for on this journey, the answer I always had: "All this time, everything I have been searching for has always been right here, in my own heart!"

Something else must be mentioned. When I first went into the other realms, I had a vision of "angels" fleeing the earth, all the buildings seeming about to become red dust. I asked what was going on and the answer was given (In stages) that the "angels" had tried to work with "earth leaders" and taken them at face value. They believed that those leaders would finally see their own survival was at risk and accept the help that was offered to them, as the alternative meant destruction. It was recently found that these groups, although they had pretended to align with the angels, were still bent on conquest and self-service and could not be swayed. It was for this reason the angels were fleeing, the earth leaders will not listen and they are preparing for their final takeovers of various kinds, which will probably lead to their demise. They did not want to have to sit and watch us die, and they cannot interfere any more than they have in our political affairs. I will not go into the details, but they were thankfully persuaded that there are other ways of working with humanity besides our overt political power structure. It's very complex, but there were reasons they believed they could only work with us on that level, and to achieve the goals they had set out to, they would have had to. Here, they were merely convinced to change their goal to a more modest one. However, they have told me to tell everyone, if it has not been made clearly enough to you by the universe, that they expect us all to be on our very best behavior. VERY BEST hahahahaha!

Just for clarity's sake, I'm still not sure if these "angels" are the same people as the caretakers of the "hospital" but I'm inclined to think not. Those caretakers seem completely commited to helping us, and the "hospital" is not by any means confined to this planet. These angels, however, seemed much more dualistic and physical in nature. I would not be surprised, actually, if they were also "patients" themselves. Also I have no idea if the beings I connected with had anything to do with the "Ra" collective, but my intuition actually says no, the Ra energy seems more detached. I still have not gotten to read more than a page or so of that material in any one place, the universe keeps pulling me away from it, so perhaps someone else will be able to compare that for me.