Fabulous!  Where can I get a man like that?

Thanks Lightwins. I really needed to hear that.
I have fallen short of this level of commitment and I have not surrendered my 'power' (to be an asshole)and myself enough to the women in my life but I'm trying. Every word in this video spoke to me and for me and especially my deep guilt and shame for the horrors we men have done to women and to our families as a result. I have hated myself and all men for many years for our aggression, violence and obstinacy to change. I do recognize that in itself is unhealthy but I can't help it. Our role in the destruction of the Earth is central and for that I can't forgive my sex. We have been refusing to fix ourselves for so long. I'm filled with loathing and rage.

The only thing the video didn't communicate enough of is my heartfelt gratefulness to each woman for her deep, deep contributions of love and healing and her ability to mitigate the destruction done by men. No lesson in tolerance and patience could have been better taught as that of women for men. We don't deserve it. I have been stunned again and again to have been lovingly supported (to be OK and to get right)by a woman when I least deserved it. This support has been more profound in giving me hope than any intellectual idea for a Utopian future because women have walked the walk for thousands of years. If all organizational power(political, military, corporate, financial etc etc) were irrevocably handed over to women exclusively tomorrow, they would solve all the World's problems in short order. In truth, my instinct is that we men have a huge contribution to make too, but I can't see anything else for us to do but give up our insane egos and that is hard work, but it's the only way to heal ourselves (and thus everybody and the World). After that we better figure something else useful for us to do or we'll revert to trying to dominate everything all over again.

Thanks for posting this, John.  It brings to light much that should be looked at and admitted.

However... while I am in complete agreement with what is said in this video, its scripted quality, with different men reciting sentences and fragments of sentences of an ongoing composed narrative, took away from its effectiveness, at least for me.  Much better would have been several men, each making his own spontaneous, complete and coherent statement.  While the message was true and to the point, on the whole its delivery seemed, well, fake, and at times silly.  And so it was much less moving than it might have been.

Just being honest.  By the way, my wife independently had just about the same response.

Thanks for the post and everyone's comments. I had a hard time listening to this - in the beginning it felt disingenuous. This video needs to followed up by real action and I've been burned by men saying one thing and doing another before.

After a while it felt more real and I began to see that this film may be just as helpful to men as women. The part I liked the best and what I struggle with most in my relationships with men is that I simply don't feel listened to or too often feel dismissed. I really appreciated that the video mentioned this a few times but I wish there had been more of an emphasis on the importance of listening to women.

I felt that blaming war on men was not fair. I think that happens because of greed and soliders have certainly been the victims of war just as much as anyone else. Also, I value and appreciate their efforts to defend their families. I recognize that those efforts are mostly misguided by the soliders of today but there are many ways in which men play the defender role in today's society and I greatly appreciate this as I have no desire to have to do this job for myself.

Another uncomfortable thought that has come up for me with this video, is that it is stereotyping the genders. I do believe there are real differences besides the physical ones but I'm not so sure it helps to talk about them with such an emphasis. I'd like to envision a future where these differences continue to fade..and also a future where we look at each other as fellow humans and quit trying to judge one another as part of some group, be it gender, age or race.

Thanks again, I have a feeling this post will be one of those posts that comes up again and again, long into the future.

Wendy

Interesting video - I couldn't watch it. I think people are missing the role reversal that is transpiring - and has been for some time. Women are becoming the new men - and vice a versa. Hillary Clinton, Condoleeza Rice, Margaret Thatcher etc etc - do you REALLY see any difference in how they are approaching things? I don't. If anything - men are becoming more peace loving and "conscious" and women seem to be wanting to run things like men have been doing. Interestingly - the fact that a bunch of men would put together an apology for being men is pathetic and an illustration of exactly what I am describing.

We all know that "feminism" was orchestrated by the Rothchilds to get both parents into the workforce. The fact that a woman can bear a child - and a man cannot, and the fact that a man will ALWAYS be necessary to bring life to the egg, means that the genders will NEVER be equal. How could they be? The only way they could truly be equal is if there were no genders art all! 

This actually ties in with some other topics and posts regarding ET utopian societies. Earth was never meant to become a planet of "equality" and homogeneity. It was designed to celebrate differences and to learn from those differences. Part of what the PTB are trying to do is take that away - and create instead a "one world" scenario that creates a stagnant society that has no where to go. Unfortunately, while the surface idea of "equality" sounds great - it really isn't what it is portrayed to be. 

Men and masculinity are not evil concepts that need to be vanquished from the world. Nor is the feminine energy going to save us. Again - polarization at work. Where is the balance? Why are we apologizing for being who we are - and why do we feel we need to? It's all as it should be in the bigger picture. 

Sorry for being politically incorrect - but wait - no I'm not!

Thanks Knightspirit,

I appreciate your defence of the importance of diversity and I like that you brought up Hillary Clinton and Condalisa Rice and their roles in the warmonger game. Yes, I should not have wished for our differences to fade but just a world where we stop seeing each other as part of a group. I didn't like your statement that the genders will never be equal, perhaps you meant the same?

I work at a very male dominated laboratory, before that I've worked in engineering and I have to say that I've seen a lot of workplace discrimination against women in my day. We still get paid 80% or so of what our male equivalents make. Science is particularly still male dominated. This is the kind of non-equal that I would like to see go away.

I agree that this apology is kind of silly. I was slightly offended during the beginning of the video because it was apolgizing for what happened in the past, as if there isn't still discrimination going on today. The other problem for me is that I would like the particular individuals who I feel made and are making my life worse apologize and could care less if a bunch of  sensitive guys want to apologize. I hope this makes them feel better but it's useless are far as making me feel any better.

Perhaps we women should apologize for homeplace domination as I think a lot of women, myself included probably take out some of our fustrations with men at work on our partners. But again, this might make me feel better but only has real meaning if I apologize to my husband - some public general thing is probably kind of useless as far as he's concerned.

Wendy

I am deeply touched by your compassion, Brian, Bob, and John, but don't beat yourself up.  Men and women are naturally wired differently, and of course, society plays its hand in our gender conditioning.  Your compassion speaks volumes about your ability to transcend some less desirable male characteristics.

My friend once used this analogy:  If there is only one piece of bread left, a woman will divide it amongst her children and go hungry; a man will give half to his children and eat the rest.  When I first heard this, I immediately identified with the woman as doing the right thing. (It's what I would do).  Then, I shared this story with a male friend of mine and he said, "Of course, the man has to keep up his strength to protect his family."  Now, I think there is some validity to both points of view, but the proof is in the pudding.  Whose children will survive?

In Patriarchal societies, we see much of this sacrificing of the masses in exchange for protection by the government.  It would be interesting to see how fast world hunger would disappear if the planet was dominated by matriarchies.  I'm ready to give it a try!

I forgot to mention the old paradigm of victimhood here also. Isn't such an "apology" just another condoning of that paradigm? Aren't we done with that already? Let's stop playing the victim card! This is all just old paradigm stuff that we need to move beyond.

And yes Wendy - I think there is room for equality on many levels (like wages etc) but there will never be on all of them - and nor should there be. Why would we want that? If I wanted women to be like men - I WOULD JUST DATE A MAN, LOL!

And Gods and Goddesses sounds pretty equal to me - "Did I not tell you ye are Gods?" 

The surface (orthodox, secular) idea of equality isn't what it's portrayed to be, but on a much deeper level it just may be . . .

No I didn't say apologizing was an expression of victimhood. That would be the victim apologizing. I was just making the point that BY apologizing - we are acknowledging that there was a "victim"- that's all - and I thought we were done with that old paradigm. Obviously, this is a "sensitive" subject because we are all men and women here - but from a purely spiritual perspective - there are no victims. We are all just choosing our own experiences. So from that perspective - I don't see the value in that video. 

That doesn't mean there are not women that need and deserve an apology from men. But let those men do it - not some general "all men need to apologize for being men" philosophy! No offense Fairy.

I find I'm pretty much in agreement with Jeff and Wendy in that, while the men in the video expressed some real social and historical truth, the mea culpa tone of their message was over the top.   My wife had a similar reaction.   They themselves are not responsible for the unconscious male energy (or whatever the phrase) run amok over the past several thousand years, but just for whatever they may have done, personally.   This does not gainsay what Ho'Oponopono is all about, which is an impersonal taking of responsibility from a higher spiritual perspective.

About something you said, Jeff: although we may all have chosen our life experiences directly or indirectly (by karmic consequence) and so "from a purely spiritual perspective... there are no victims" -- we don't actually hang out in a purely spiritual space all the time.  The truth is we live in duality most of the time, including those of us who intend and practice a nondual view.  So, as long as we're in dualism, there are victims.  And even if we did hang out in a purely nondual space, that wouldn't change the dynamics on the ground, so to speak... so that I don't think we would take the view that since we all choose our experiences, the American Indians, for example, aren't really victims and so why even give their situation a second thought or help them?  In the everyday practical world we all live in, there are victims and perpetrators, and we can respond to people who need help.  So I do see some value in the video.  It's just that it shoots itself in the foot by oozing all that generalized guilt. 

About equality: to reiterate something that Wendy said, equal doesn't mean identical.  It's not mathematical equality, but social, political,  economic, and [as Francis points out] spiritual equality.  Yin and Yang  are equal in value but not in character or function.  There would be nothing without both.  

Last thing:  even my wife was turned off by the video's idealization and even idolization of women.  By the way, I'd add Madeline Albright and Golda Meir to your list of sociopathic women, Wendy.  Somone could probably write a multi-volume set on their kind.  The video makes a very brief token mention of the fact that some [normal] women have done damage to their own children and mates. 

It obviously would be beneficial to have conscious feminine energy working equally with conscious masculine energy (what creaky terms) to birth a new world.  But it's really just about all of us waking up.  When we all wake up, then the masculine and feminine that we embody will be doing what they're supposed to do together.

I think you all make valid points.  Yes, I noticed the lack of sincerity in the apologies of nearly all, but the main two men.  Taken from the perspective of a broad apology from all men to all women, it does seem rather meaningless.

When I listened to it, however, it struck me on a personal level.  For me, the men were putting into words what my abusive ex-husband will probably never be able to comprehend, much less say.  I found it to be tremendously healing.  In that way, its value is priceless.

Hi Bob-

I just wanted to say thank you. I continue to be amazed by your ability to articulate difficult thoughts and your wise and helpful words.

Wendy

"It obviously would be beneficial to have conscious feminine energy working equally with conscious masculine energy"

understood from a more non dualistic approach, it would be good to have Conscious Awareness of feminine and masculine energies (left and right brain essentially) working in balance in me, in each of us.  many times, most times right now it would be men allowing themselves to recognize this ability within themselves after so much indoctrination towards the contrary.

but there will be instances when it would be women relearning the same thing men need to learn.  Hillary Clinton comes to mind.  And women remembering how amazingly strong, resiliant and power-filled they truly are instead of honoring the bogus indoctrination they have succumbed to over the past 6 or 7 thousand years of unbalanced yin yang patriarchal bent, cosmic mood swing so to speak...

and then there is the even more confusing phenomenon of women acting like men and believing they are being a true liberated woman when all they have really done is adopt something from the unauthentic unbalanced patriarchal bent.  and the confusion of men who begin to act differently in hopes of adopting some notion of femininity when all they have really done is adopt some vain bogus conforming notion of the Feminine as dictated by a lost insane unbalanced patriarchal paradigm...

this is so much more about the heart and mind balanced working relationship than it is about physical genders...  I suspect you all know that well, but bears repeating for the sake of this threshold of golden age "sea change"...

Me too Bob - great post. You did a great job of clarifying the unity of the differences! And Fairy - let ME apologize for those stuuuuupid men who would be so unenlightened as to call someone like you stuuuupid!  And thanks Noa for the enlightening perspective of healing created in you from such a video. I had not thought of that. 

I had another interesting thought related to this from another thread that Fairy posted - regarding forgiveness. Perhaps a companion video to this one from women forgiving men would be appropriate (or maybe more appropriate than this one...) as I concur with the posts on that thread. Forgiveness is not for the other person - it's for US. We forgive to heal ourselves - and it is very powerful. And in a way - that is what this video is really pointing to. "Please forgive us - we screwed up." So in that way - healing can commence, and we can narrow the separation. I think that what it really boils down to. 

I think it's a great idea, Jeff... a companion video showing women forgiving men, so I went looking for one.  No luck, but what I did find is probably the reason for it.  Women apologize much more often than men do... and not just to their partners, but to the world in general, regardless of gender.  Here are the results of the study:

http://theweek.com/article/index/207597/why-women-apologize-more-than-men

Why women apologize more than men

Canadian researchers have proved what many females long suspected. Or have they?

Apologies can be relationship healers for women. Photo: Corbis SEE ALL 38 PHOTOS

Canadian researchers have the proof: Women apologize more often than men. Case closed, right? Not quite. Here's a look at what psychologists Karina Schumann and Michael Ross at Ontario's University of Waterloo found, what they didn't show, and the implications for ratcheting down the War of the Sexes:

So, women apologize more?
Yes, definitely, say Schumann and Ross in the journal Psychological Science. But it's largely because women think way more things merit an apology. When you look at how often people apologize for events they think they should apologize for, men and women come out equal, at an 81 percent apology rate. 

How did they reach this conclusion?
They conducted two studies. The first involved 33 college students keeping a 12-day online diary cataloguing how often they apologized when they felt it was warranted, and the number of times they thought people owed them an apology. The second study had 120 students rate the severity of different offenses: Women, for example, found it much more rude and apology-worthy if you woke a friend, who then had trouble getting back to sleep and blew a job interview the next day.

Don't their findings kind of let men off the hook?
Technically, yes, says the Toronto Star's Cathal Kelly, since it "seems to put paid to the cliché that men refuse to apologize for anything lest it dent their fragile egos." But in practice, no, since the discrepancy between a man and woman's perceived apology-worthy offenses is "heightened" when it comes to romantic relationships. Bottom line, Kelly says: "Men should always apologize, even if they have no idea what they're apologizing for." 

Why do men and women view apologies differently?
Schumann speculates that it's because women are more likely to see saying sorry as a way to repair a potentially damaged relationship. Or in Kelly's paraphrase: "Basically, women are emotionally clued in, empathic, and better verbal communicators. Men are just hungry and/or sleepy." It's no laughing matter, says marriage counselor Sam Margulies in Psychology Today. Where apologies are "routine" for women, men do view them as "humiliating and a loss of face," and their resulting reluctance to grovel and inability to "craft a sincere apology" is a real strain on marriages.

What can each sex learn from the study?
Men can learn the six crucial steps to a "proper apology," Margulies says, and guys, "if you do not want to waste your time you must include all six:" Say you were wrong, admit you hurt her feelings, say you're sorry, say you won't do it again (and don't smirk), negotiate her compensation, then ask for her forgiveness. Actually both sides could learn to communicate better, Schumann says. Instead of "assuming that your partner can read your mind or read your emotions accurately," just tell your partner "what you're experiencing" — then hope for the best.

Sources: LiveScience, Toronto Star, Psychology Today

Video Summary:

Bottom line, Kelly says: "Men should always apologize, even if they have no idea what they're apologizing for."  

Now I get it!

Actually, Jeff, that statement, (always apologize, even if [you] have no idea what [you're] apologizing for) may not be as unreasonable as it may first appear.  Many times, I apologize to soften the angst between me and another person, whether I believe I am at fault or not.  If nothing else, I am apologizing for my part in the misunderstanding, their hurt feelings, etc.  It's no sweat off my back and it usually heals the angst between us. 

Where we have trouble with this concept (apologizing without fault) is when the ego refuses to relinquish its need to be right.

I have to say Noa - I laughed for about 5 minutes after reading that. What they are really saying (and they mention this a little later) is that if you are too unconscious to actually communicate with your partner (or whoever) - then just apologize (for all of the reasons you mention). The underlying issue is communication. Most people are not good at it - and men are the worst. So rather than address the real issue - we can just cover that up with an apology. That might work in the short term, but it won't fix anything. 

That sentence still makes me laugh!

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I think if someone is only appologizing to shut you up and make you feel better it is condescending. I would rather accept the truth than have someone coddle my feelings, especially if I took them to be genuine, upon realizing they were fake I would proobably feel duped and foolish and that could turm into offence.....I have little time for fake appologizes or ones with clauses...my sister never appologizes unless she adds an "if"...ie well if that is what happened I am sorry....but I know she will not believe that did happen and hence deep down she is not really sorry for anything...she will then take no responsibility for anything...I don't acknowledge such appologies....

L

Jez

Some sincere apologies are about creating a safe space to dialog....

Of course there is nothing wrong with a sincere apology. But one must ask how sincere could an apology be without knowing what is being apologized for? I think in terms of communication - what we all really want is to communicate what we FEEL. This is where it all falls apart, usually. We should never be expected to apologize for our feelings - they are what they are. What we can do though - is acknowledge that something we have done has triggered a certain feeling in someone else, and apologize for making them feel that way. Understand - that doesn't make what we did necessarily wrong. It's just information that when that is done - it triggers a feeling in someone else - and that could be for a variety of reasons.

And here is where the dialog actually begins. By getting to the root of why those feelings are happening - we begin to unravel what makes our partner "tick" so to speak (and perhaps us as well) - and how past experiences and upbringing etc have defined how things are responded to. Once we understand that doing this or that makes them feel this way or that way - we can choose to do those things or not. How we act after getting that knowledge defines the relationship. 

The flip side of that is that once the other person begins to understand that the feelings themselves are not necessarily linked to you specifically, but something that was created much earlier, they can "give you a break" for making them feel that way. So there is an understanding. It is this understanding that must be behind a "real" apology in my opinion. Both sides understand exactly what is happening and can work together to heal the bad feelings and create better ones! 

In the end - all we really want is to feel good about one another - and that's something worth striving for. I think it is the underlying motivation behind this video - but I am not sure by it's presentation if they even really get that concept. I guess if it makes women feel better about men - then maybe they got it half right - but I am not sure it really has that effect. 

 I said I connected with the sentiment of the creators of the video-I do. Several of you made great points about blame, no blame, shared blame, duality etc. I was even told I was an idiot for thinking this way-great! If it suits me to apologize to women then screw anybody who mocks me or attacks me for it. They're just proving the point.

 You should see the vitriol, the venom spewed by males in comments about this video (on YouTube etc)and what "pussies" the film makers supposedly are. Not a whole lot of women were screaming obscentities or putting curses on these guys...hmmm so lets see...it was guys alone damning these men for their apologies...isn't that funny?

Jeff, thanks for better putting into words what I was trying to say...

"We should never be expected to apologize for our feelings - they are what they are. What we can do though - is acknowledge that something we have done has triggered a certain feeling in someone else, and apologize for making them feel that way. Understand - that doesn't make what we did necessarily wrong. It's just information that when that is done - it triggers a feeling in someone else - and that could be for a variety of reasons."

Apologizing in order to heal feelings of angst is not the same as pacifiying the other person insincerely. It's about re-connecting and sorting out misunderstandings.

On a side note, guys, when women are upset, they often just want to vent their feelings, be listened to, and validated.  This is not an invitation to 'fix' them, only to listen and respond sympathetically.  This is a hard concept for most men to understand because they naturally want to solve the problem.  John Gray talks about this in Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

Similar observations to the comments on YouTube:

I like to think my family is a pretty pacifist bunch. I've raised my son as a Quaker. My brother was to first to have a kid  - a girl. Then he had another boy about the same time I had a boy. We were all amazed how the boys had little interest in talking about things like the oldest girl  - they had the best times just wrestling with each other no matter many times we as parents objected. After a while we decided to let boys be boys.

Thanks for the comment from Men are from Mars.. Noa, I couldn't agree more.

Wendy

 I meant to say I agree how in the video all but the two creators appear insincere but I think that's unavoidable in using a scripted format...It's just basic that you wouldn't feel you were sincere using someone else's language while speaking directly into a camera lens about something important to you. BUT-I actually think the other contributors are sincere because surely they knew they were sticking their necks out for ridicule. I wish they had used an open format and asked the guys to just express their views. It would be messy but more authentic and not tainted with the feel-however unintentional-of a commercial enterprise. Still, I liked it ;)

I have been following Arjuna for a long while.  I attended a workshop of his a few years back and have read his and his wife's books.  I can almost guarantee that he is sincere in this video (unless his whole body of work for the last 5 - 10 years has been a lie).  I also believe that the sentiment in the video is sincere, though maybe a little plastic, as they were all reading the same "pledge".  I got the impression that they all read the entire thing, while being filmed, then it was edited together as we see it, here.

I think that we are so used to thinking that masculine = man, and feminine = female that we forget that we often embody both traits - sometimes one more than the other... sometimes it flips.  For me, a person meeting me might think that I'm about as feminine as they come.  But I have strong masculine tendancies that come out in my work, and to a lesser degree in my personal interactions.  Being a single mom, I've learned how to deal with the world in a way a man might... to get things done.  My natural state is to work from the heart, however, and I am there more and more often these days.

The reason I bring this up, is because there are some women who embody the masculine energy very strongly.  I would not want them in charge of my shopping list, no less the world.  Hillary Clinton is the driving force behind the attack on Libya (I'm sure there are more nefarious forces, but she pushed the agenda in the public eye.).  She had a husband that publicly humiliated her in front of the world by NOT having sex with a young intern - and getting caught.  I know that hardened her in a way most of us could only imagine.  It drove her to live from the masculine side so she didn't have to feel that hurt.  I would never look at her and imagine feminine energy oozing out of her.  It's just withered away in her.

I'm not really sure my point here, aside from saying that I sort of view this as Ho'Oponopono.  A way for people to take some personal responsibility for where we are, and to move to a place of healing.  Here are women who have been subjugated for millenia.  I'm sorry.  I love you.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.   I feel a little healed when I watch this.  It softens my heart, and makes me feel hopeful.  I read comments by men who recognize that there is value in the sentiment of this video, and feel great love for them.  Isn't that enough?

Lots of love,

Kathy

that we are a blend of both... it would be too erratic and unbalanced  to be total polar male or female...  the blend is the dance, within ourselves "individually" and in "us" collectively...

the infinite variation for the sake of experience...

the blend is, well it's attractive isn't it......

Kathy, Thanks for your very astute observation about what Hillary Clinton has and is going through. One aspect of this male dominated society is it gives money making women such as Hillary ( & Martha Stewart) a hard time but the same traits in men more often get a free pass. Yes, we all must heal this divide within.

I can't quite figure out how/why Oprah has mostly escaped the kind of ridicule and negative responses so many people have toward these other rich/famous/powerful women such as Hillary and Martha. I think she has seen enough adversity that there is a genuine power about her that people instinctively pick up on.

Wendy