I've lived through a lifetime of trauma that probably would've killed most people. I've survived the suicides of 2 siblings, years of physical and emotional abuse, divorce, bankruptcy, foreclosure, health issues etc., etc.
Fortunately, I found my way to the Unity Church 25 years ago and have been on a self-improvement/spiritual path ever since. I've been choosing positive thoughts to 'deliberately create' a better life. Even so, adversity is persistent.
Over the past year, the focus and intensity of my spiritual quest has increased as I've recognized the urgency of these pivotal times. (Course graduates know what I'm talking about.) My goal is to be the proverbial 'beacon of light' to help others in need.
Then, a few weeks ago, I found myself in a bizarre situation with people I can only presume are crazy. I was their tenant for 6 weeks. The couple (in their 60s) rented me an apartment that turned out to have a severe water intrusion/mold problem. At first, I tried to make the best of it (not wanting to move again). But my request for a dehumidifier was met with wild accusations and demands for more money. Through it all, I managed to answer them logically, without arguing or sinking to their level, and with as much love as I could muster for them. In the end, I realized that I had to move out for the sake of my health -- body and soul.
That's when things got really ugly. The story is too long and sorted to relate here. The short of it is, these people inflicted unimaginable trauma (and stole from me), yet even after I walked away without so much as an angry word, they continued to make threats against me. I chose to ignore them, which finally put an end to their torments, but I've had flashbacks and nightmares for weeks. I, who am never sick, just had 2 back-to-back illnesses. I feel like I've suddenly been psychically attacked by dark, sinister forces. But why? It's been a slow climb back to recover my strength.
So, I can't help wondering... what did I do to draw this bizarre situation into my life? I thought I had learned these lessons years ago. I thought I was no longer a vibrational match to such things. Is this some kind of a test? Does it ever end? Shouldn't my life be getting easier after all my spiritual work? Am I paying some karmic debt from another lifetime? What's the point of taking the "high road" if such ambushers are waiting to knock me off my path?
Wow, Noa, you've had quite a life and I think you must be very special! The fact that you continue to develop yourself in spite of the horrors of your life says so much about your spiritual strength. You have passed so many tests that many others fail. I'm thinking this last incident was a real, tough, test and the fact that you did not use anger or retaliation against these people shows that you have passed that part of the test with flying colors. As you know from the course, spiritual development is never ending and it seems as we peel back one layer of our illusory self we are confronted with another layer. Not only should we show love and forbearance with others we also need to show this to ourselves. What your landlords did had nothing to do with you and there is no meaning concerning you in their behavior, they may indeed, have been angels proving your spiritual strength. You deserve love, as all people do, so allow yourself to love yourself, and who you are, and the powerful person that you truly are. It may be that your inner child is blaming herself so send love to her and assure her that you will take care of her and always love her. Review your course work especially Ho'oponopono and the charging breath. I am waiting to see what wonderful things you have to offer us and I send you my love and accept your love!
Hi Noa-
I think you answered your own question.
Q-"I feel like I've suddenly been psychically attacked by dark, sinister forces. But why?"
A-"My goal is to be the proverbial 'beacon of light' to help others in need."
I think you certainly found those in need. Perhaps the kind patience you showed your landlords helped them more than you will ever know. I can only hope that someday they are enlightened by your example.
You sound like a wonderful person - I so admire those who have gone through adversity. Perhaps you are a spirit who loves a big challenge - I sometimes think that's why I've had so many myself.
I was helped by the idea that at some level I had chosen all the crap (even the really awful stuff) that came into my life. I think when I really recognized that I had chosen the challenges, the crap seemed to end. Hope that helps you...
Best wishes,
Wendy
Dear SoD and Wendy:
Thank you for the wise words. I haven't had much encouragement or recognition over the years, so your words are very healing.
Sometimes taking the high road is a thankless position, but to be true to myself, there is no other choice. The Golden Rule is deeply embedded within my soul.
Maybe some divine presence is taking note and I'm racking up points in heaven, ha, ha.
Love and light,
Noa
Noa--
I would suggest dissolving the cords that are binding you to those who have abused you. The Cords create an energy signature that is embedded in your energy system. When you meet a "match" that energy then has no choice but to act as you have coded yourself to attract. If you truly wish to change this there are ways to do so. Beginning by taking a stand. And standing for that which you are choosing to be as.
Trauma attracts more Trauma. The old adage: Struggle and Strife make you grow... is a convienent way in which to keep the status quo the status quo. I feel the same way about Karma. The only way to dissolve this is to transform the struggle and strife through de-cording and de-coding the energy system.
I find this way to be of assistance to me... perhaps you will too. I wrote this blog so that I could share what I have learned with others. Since it is a blog scroll to the first post to begin at the beginning.
http://www.askfairyfarmgirl.blogspot.com/
There are many here that can relate to your life story. It is always appropriate for you to choose to LOVE yourself first and then when you are filled with LOVE to share your Love with others. If you are empty of energy how can you assist others and meet the parameters of your mission in life? Loving the self is a challenging lesson for most healers. We must first become that which we wish to be--- before we can create it in the larger reality.
I Bless you with LOVE!
--fairy
Thanks FairyFarmGirl. I visited your blog. Interesting site. I ritually "cut" the cords years ago, but maybe a refresher is in order. Thanks for sharing.
Love and light,
Noa
Hi Noa,
Here's a thought that has been very helpful for me when the shit hits the fan.
Consider that crisis is a kind of therapy. It is a teaching method that on some unconscious level we set up for ourselves because we need it. Crisis is a means of helping ourselves get out of the trap of complacency and apathy.
I wish you all the best in finding the growth behind the difficulties you've been facing. Take care.
With sacred love and warm holiday wishes,
Fred
Dear Fred:
If all this is therapy, I should be cured by now!
Seriously, though, it makes some sense, though complacency doesn't sound so bad, comparatively. I could use the sabbatical.
The saving grace, at least for me, is not seeing the crap looming on the horizon ahead of time. It keeps me boarding the boat and riding out the storm.
Looking forward to calmer seas.
Warmly,
Noa
Noa, thank you for your post. Thank you for making it through what you have made it through in your life – for showing it can be done. It seems to me that these times we are living in now have become a pretty chaotic mixture of the best of times… and the worst of times…. All thoroughly mixed up and intertwined, packed so tightly together that it is even getting hard to tell if the day - or moment - is a good one, or a bad one. Some days I can’t believe the incredible insanity playing out on various stages around me – and then I catch a glimpse - for a second - of some incredible inspiration… playing out in that same moment – and I am energized and compelled to pick up the scattered pieces of love lying all around - and try again The changes are happening extremely fast.
Your recent rental experience resonated with me because I just recently moved also – after renting a place for the past six years. The landlord/tenant relationship was polite and peaceful for the six years I lived there – even though I don’t think we had much in common. I don’t understand why things needed to get as “prickly” as they did between the landlord and I when ending our rental contract, but without going into the gruesome details – I found that putting my “spiritual practice” into “spiritual reality” this time was a little harder than I thought it would be. (I would have thought that all this practicing would have made it easier…. So much for thinking!) I found myself holding tightly onto my righteous indignation in one hand, and the other hand clenched tightly around my sense of victimhood. I thought I had already battled my internal demons of needing to be right and the age old one named “victim”. But like some stupid video game – here was the “master dragon” – bigger and badder than all the rest – standing in my way to peacefulness (not to mention sleeping at night) once again…
*Sigh* I have (many times) asked that same battle-weary question of “Does it ever end?”
I don’t know the answers, my friend. But I understand the frustration and weariness showing through your words – not to mention that brightly shining light!. Although I like reading inspirational words, and stories of joy, it is the true sharing of a heart that touches me the most. Thank you for sharing yours. By the way....I have heard it rumored that there is a happy ending to this story somehow. I believed it in ignorance as a child, dropped it in fear and disillusionment as a young adult, and have slowly come to believing it again now – with faith and trust.
Catch your breath a bit and rest, kindred soul. Your skills are much needed at this point. I, for one, am very glad to meet you here.
With Love,
Mary
PS – Son of Dust – Even though you wrote your response to Noa – your words about the landlord were very pivotal and validating to me. I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed them – and used them for deeper healing. Thank you most sincerely.
It's almost worth going through all the trauma to connect with such heart-centered souls as you, Mary, and the others that have responded so kindly here. I'm beginning to think the "reason" behind my recent madness was to bring me to the physical place I now dwell. There is comfort and promise here. Had it not been for the turmoil, I never would've moved to this remote location, but I now live in a place of natural beauty and peace. It will be interesting to see what enfolds.
I'm grateful the gathering spot has made it possible for our hearts to connect across cyber and earth space.
Love and light,
Noa