George Bush's Resume

He will be available in January 2009, and is willing to relocate.

**_RESUME_**

GEORGE W.  BUSH

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20520

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:

Law Enforcement:
I was  arrested in Kennebunkport ,   Maine , in 1976 for driving
under the influence of alcohol. I pleaded guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license
suspended for 30 days. My   Texas driving record has been 'lost' and is not
available.

Military:
I joined the Texas Air  National Guard and went AWOL.
I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my
drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able  to avoid
combat duty in Vietnam .

College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a
cheerleader.
PAST  WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S.  Congress and lost.
I began my career in the oil business in Midland , Texas in
1975. I bought an oil company,  but couldn't find any oil in Texas . The company went bankrupt shortly  after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
took land using taxpayer money.With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was  elected governor of Texas .
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF   TEXAS :
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies,
making Texas the most polluted state in the Union . During my
tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden
city in America . I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in
American history.
With the help of my brother, the governor  of Florida , and my father's appointments to the Supreme  Court, I became President of the United States , after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a
criminal record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over
one billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S.
Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S.
history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in
any
12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month
period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history
of the
U.S. stock market. In my first year in office, over 2 million
Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any
administration in U.S. history. My 'poorest millionaire,'
Condoleezza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S.
President.
I am  the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the
most corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best
friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate
bankruptcy
fraud in U.S. history, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys
to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my
election
decision.
I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against
investigation or prosecution. More time and money was spent
investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent
investigating one of the biggest corporate rip-offs in history. I
presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and
refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was
revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history..
I  changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be
awarded government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to my administration than any
President in U.S. history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland  Security, the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the United States Government.
I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S.
history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United
Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
I refused to allow inspector's access to U.S. 'prisoners of war'
detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva
Convention.
I am the  first President in history to refuse United Nations
election inspectors (during the 2002 US election).
I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any
President since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-
year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided
over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy ever for the U. S. after the World
Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the
most hated country in the world, the largest failure of
diplomacy inworld history.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people),
shattering the record for protests against any person in the
history of mankind.
I am  the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked,
pre-emptive attack  and the military occupation of a sovereign
nation. I did so against the will of  the United  Nations, the
majority of U.S. Citizens and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut
in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families in
wartime.
In  my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for
attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of
Europeans(71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I am supporting development of a nuclear 'Tactical Bunker
Buster,' a WMD.
I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden
to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my
father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my
bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for
public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.  I specified that my sealed
documents will not be available for 50 years.

PLEASE  SEND THIS TO EVERY US VOTER YOU KNOW!
'Of course the  people don't want war. But after all, it's the
leaders of the country who determine the
policy, and it's always a simple matter to drag the people along
whether it's a democracy, a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament,
or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can
always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All
you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce
the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to
greater danger.'
-- Herman Goering at  the Nuremberg trials