Reflections on 50

In reflecting on my 50th year of existence as a third density incarnation in this section of the timeline - I wanted to post some things that I have found to be true for me and some musings on where we might all be going next.

They say that 50 is the "mid-life" age - and that there is usually a re-evaluationg of life, values, and what's important. I have to agree. If there is a mid-life crises - it is the stark realization that all of those years in the corporate Matrix didn't make you a better person, didn't create anything of real value, and has left your kids with the moral, financial and environmental mess.

At least that's what is seems like it would be if I were that person.

Since I was never really in the Matrix - my crises was more of a 5 year long slow dismantling. I have never worked a corporate job 9-5, never had any kids, and have instinctively avoided being in the system, while interfacing with it as necessary. What this created over the years was a sort of Matrix envy of those who were able to make it work for them - just like in the movie where the guy orders a steak at the restaurant and proceeds to eat and enjoy it. My friends got their corporate jobs, had the kids, moved into the big houses, had the bar-b ques and birthday parties. I wasn't unhappy in those times - as I was a free man - with my own business and my own plan, but somewhere in the background was this disturbing realization that there were no benefits at the end of the road. And I was not making the kind of money that I would need to create those for myself. 

Many of my friends and others are now sitting pretty in the Matrix, with salaries over $100K, and all of the benefits that go with them including medical and retirement. Some are having that realization I mentioned earlier. And yet still - there is that envy. For some reason - we just have an innate insecurity that seems to stem from deep within us that makes us willing to give up a whole segment of our life, just to feel safe. 

Never having had that luxury of feeling safe in a job or a career even, I have been forced to go deep within to access that ultimate trust we all have in our ability to "make it" no matter what - because that is what we are here to do. We get to this point in various ways, and this was just the path I was taken down to get there - those in the Matrix will find another way. But in the end - we all have an opportunity to access this inner trust in our higher selves,  and in our Creator. This ultimately is what binds all of us, no matter where we are in the overall system.

I feel this issue of trust is so important to our evolution, that we will be given a large scale opportunity to access it on a global scale. Take your pick as to what that will look like - and I feel that it will be an appropriate reflection of where we are as a people - and how much of our hearts we have opened up. The more shut down we are - the bigger the opportunity will need to be. How that opportunity affects us individually will also depend on where we are in our hearts. 

And so, as we get seemingly closer to this "event," with so many paradigms collapsing around us or about to, I find myself being pushed to open up more and more to that inner trust that everything is as it needs to be right now. Never mind the loss of income, the loss of a long term partner, the loss of the house (still in progress), the sale of the "valuables," the nagging realization that there is no unemployment, retirement, or social security coming. The Creator works in ways that we will never know - but there is a universal law of physics that states when a vacuum is created, it naturally wants to be filled up again.  And so it is with me. Wonderful things are coming my way, with a new divine partner, a wonderful living space in Mt Shasta and a whole new community of loving supportive people (yes that includes you here at the G Spot!).

So in the end, I think we are all moving towards trust as being the new currency in a new paradigm. It is available to all, comes in unlimited quantity, and is easily shared. Can you imagine a gift society without money that simply operates on trust? Trust in the system, trust that you will get what you need, trust that what you choose to contribute will be accepted and valued, trust in your community. 

Personally, I am ready. Bring on the event or whatever experience we need to get out of the Matrix for good. Not that it is bad, or evil - I do still have Matrix envy - but that it is a failing paradigm that cannot be sustained any longer. It must be replaced with something - and we decide what that will be. I say let's stop trusting in the external mechanisms - and create a reality that is based on the internal truths of love, and trust  - in ourselves and our ability to "make it" - no matter what. Even being half way through the ride - I feel like the fun part is just getting started!

ChrisBowers's picture

Student: What prevents me from experiencing my innermost self?

Teacher: Nothing.

Student: Then why don’t I experience it?

Teacher: Fear.

Student: So, then fear prevents me?

Teacher: Nothing prevents you.

Student: But didn’t you just say that fear is the reason I can’t experience this state of consciousness?

Teacher: Yes, but it does not prevent you.

Student: Then what does?

Teacher: Nothing.

Student: Then what role does fear play?

Teacher: If you are in prison, what do you fear most when you dream of being liberated?

Student: Returning to prison… So, you’re saying that I fear experiencing my inmost self because I will return to my ignorance.

Teacher: No. I am saying that your fear of ignorance holds you in ignorance.

Student: I’m confused. I thought you were saying that I feared the experience of my highest self, but now it sounds like you’re saying that I fear my human self. Which is it?

Teacher: You fear the return to your human self after experiencing the God-fragment within you.

Student: Why?

Teacher: If you are thirsting in the desert, what is it that you desire above all else?

Student: Water?

Teacher: So if I gave you a glass of water, you’d be satisfied?

Student: Yes.

Teacher: For how long?

Student: Okay. I see your point. What I would desire above all else is to be near water so I could drink whenever I wanted, or better yet, I would want to leave the desert entirely.

Teacher: And if you loved the desert, wouldn’t you fear to leave it?

Student: You’re saying that I fear the experience of my inmost self because I would want to leave this world behind, but how can I fear this when I have no experience of it whatsoever?

Teacher: This is not the fear that floods your body when someone is about to kill you. It is the fear of a shadow so mysterious, ancient, and primordial that you know immediately that it transcends this life and this world, and its knowing will change you irrevocably.

Student: So it’s really this change that I fear?

Teacher: It’s the irrevocability of the change that you fear.

Student: But how do you know? How do you know I fear this so much that I cannot experience my inmost self?

Teacher: In order to keep the human instrument in stable interaction with its world, the designers of the human instrument created certain sensory constraints. Because these were not absolutely effective, there was also designed into the Genetic Mind of the human species an instinctual fear of being displaced from its dominant reality. For these two reasons, I know.

Student: But this isn’t fair. You’re saying my capacity to experience my inmost self has been diminished by the very beings that designed it. Why? Why should I be continually frustrated to know I have a God-fragment inside me, but not be allowed to interact with it?

Teacher: Do you love this world?

Student: Yes.

Teacher: You are here as a human instrument to interact with this world and attune to its dominant reality, and bring your understanding of your inmost self to this world even if this understanding is not pure, strong, or clear.

Student: But if I had this experience of my inmost self, couldn’t I bring more of this understanding into this world?

Teacher: This is the fallacy that frustrates you. Do you think the experience of this sublime energy and intelligence can be reduced to human translation?

Student: Yes.

Teacher: Then how?

Student: I can teach others how it feels to be in rapport with their souls. I can bring more light to this world and inspire others to seek this out within themselves. Isn’t this what you do?

Teacher: Have I taught you how to achieve this state?

Student: No. But you have inspired me.

Teacher: Are you sure? Haven’t I just told you that you can’t experience this state in the human instrument? Is that inspiration by your definition?

Student: I didn’t mean in this specific case, but you inspire me to think deeper into the issues or problems that confront me.

Teacher: If you want to bring more light into this world, why will interaction with your inmost self enable you to do so?

Student: That’s just it. I don’t know if it will. It just seems logical that it would. Don’t all good teachers have this insight? Don’t you?

Teacher: It’s true that there are teachers who can switch their dominant realities, and have learned to integrate this in their life without losing balance or effectiveness in this world, but they are extremely rare.

Student: I know this. But this is what I aspire to learn. It is learned isn’t it? Can’t you teach me?

Teacher: No, it is not learned. It is not teachable. It is not acquired through instruction, esoteric technique, or revelatory process.

Student: Then how do those teachers who have this ability acquire it?

Teacher: No one acquires this ability. That’s my point. No teacher within a human instrument on Earth at this time, or any previous, has the ability to live as a human and simultaneously live as a God-fragment. Nor does any teacher juggle between these realities with certainty and control.

Student: I’m surprised to hear this. Why is this so?

Teacher: For the same reasons I told you earlier. Do you not think this applies to all humans?

Student: Even Jesus?

Teacher: Even Jesus.

Student: Then why do I have this desire? Who put this notion into my head that I should be able to experience this inmost self or God-fragment?

Teacher: If one experiences the wind, do they not understand something of a hurricane?

Student: I suppose.

Teacher: And if they experience the rain, don’t they understand even more about hurricanes?

Student: Yes.

Teacher: If you never experienced a hurricane, but you experienced wind and rain, might you be able to imagine a hurricane better than if you never experienced wind and rain?

Student: I should think so.

Teacher: Such is the case of the God-fragment within the human instrument. You can experience unconditional love, supernal beauty, harmony, reverence, and wholeness, and in so doing, you can imagine the features and capabilities of the God-fragment within you. Some teachers have simply touched more of the edges of the God-fragment than others, but I assure you, none have entered into its depths while living in the human instrument.

Student: But don’t some teachers travel outside their body?

Teacher: Yes, but they are still living in a human instrument whilst they travel. Everything I said still applies.

Student: So what do I do? Give up the desire to have this experience?

Teacher: There is a fish that can leave its underwater world upon the equivalent of wings. While it is only for a short time, it experiences the realm of the air-breathers. Do you think this flying fish ever desires to touch a cloud, climb a tree, or venture into a forest?

Student: I don’t know… I doubt it.

Teacher: Then why does it fly above the water?

Student: I suppose it’s an instinct, something of an evolutionary imperative—

Teacher: Exactly.

Student: So you’re saying this is true of humans as well. We strive to experience our God-fragment out of an evolutionary imperative or compulsion?

Teacher: Yes, and like the flying fish, when we break from our world it is only for a short time and we fall beneath the surface once again. But while we are above the surface of our world, we momentarily forget we are just a human with a beginning and an end. Yet, when we do this, we do not imagine that we can touch the face of God within ourselves.

Student: But I do. I feel that I can, and even should, touch this God-fragment.

Teacher: You think this way because you have the hopeful exuberance and naïveté of a person unacquainted with the experience of First Source.

Student: So you don’t feel this way?

Teacher: Anyone attuned to the highest vibrations of their innermost self will feel this and be guided by it. The only difference is that I am content in knowing that I will not experience it while I am embodied in a human instrument.

Student: And what does this contentment provide you that I don’t have?

Teacher: The ability to channel my energy into this world rather than to apply it in the pursuit of another.

Student: But I thought you said it is an evolutionary imperative? How do I control this desire or ambition?

Teacher: Live in this world with all your passion and strength. See the God-fragment in this world, even if it is only a diminished beacon or tired light. See it! Nurture it! Do not be so quick to look for it in the depths of your heart or mind where you believe it might be.

Student: It’s hard not to be disheartened at the sound of these words. It is like someone telling me that the vision I had was merely a mirage, or a trick of the light.

Teacher: This is a world of shadows and echoes. You can chase the source of these if you desire, but you will likely do so at the loss of living in this world. You will diminish your experience of the shadows and echoes, and this is the very reason you incarnated upon this planet at this time.

Student: But it sounds so passive, as if I should settle for experiencing this world, and not try to change it. I feel like I’m here with a mission to improve it, to change it for the better, and I’m missing some experience, some capability to do this. What is it I feel and why?

Teacher: When you experience the warmth of the sun, do you change the sun?

Student: No.

Teacher: And if you hold a piece of ice in your hands, do you change it?

Student: Yes. It begins to melt.

Teacher: So there are some things you can only experience, and there are some things you can change.

Student: And I should know the difference.

Teacher: It helps.

Student: I know this. It’s elementary. I’m not sure it helps me feel less disheartened.

Teacher: You know this, I agree, but you have not necessarily practiced it. It is a principle of life to practice discretion and discernment, and while people will think this concept elementary, it is a critical difference in living life in a state of fulfillment or, as you put it, frustration.

Student: So I can’t change the fact that the God-fragment within me is unknowable to my human mind, and I need to accept that. Is that the lesson to be learned here?

Teacher: No.

Student: Then what is?

Teacher: The concept of the God-fragment within you has power. It can be contemplated, but it cannot be experienced as a dominant reality in a human instrument. Through this contemplative approach you can learn discernment, and through this discernment you will learn how to navigate in the world of shadows and echoes in such a way that you bring changes that are in accord with the objectives of First Source. You externalize the will of the God-fragment, rather than seek its experience. In so doing, you eliminate the fear and frustration energies that flow through your mind.

Student: Thank you. Your teaching just struck the chord I have been seeking since I found this path, and I feel its resonance.

Teacher: In resonance you will be guided.


Wendy's picture

Hi Knightspirit-

I turned 50 this year too - I sure found out how much I love my family, how grateful I am that there's this group of people around me that I love and that love me. I think I see that as my greatest accomplishment.

Matrix envy? Wow, I wish I had taken more chances and stayed out of it. I've got a house and family but not much sense of security about my future and lots of regrets about a lack of adventure in my life.

I like what you said about having an inner trust in our higher selves. This is the challenge I continue to struggle with.

When you find the society that's running on a gift economy, be sure to post so we can find a way to emulate it in our own communities or move on over.



tscout's picture

   hey Knightspirit, You said alot of things i have said to myself. I turn 52 this year, but many of these things have puzzled me since my mid forties. I also have never really become part of the matrix, and as such have never built that kind of "security" that many of my peers have, or think they do. i have had many great adventures without it, but at times, long to be able to build a little place to grow food,do taiji, and contemplate. Astrologically, I am wind, and indeed, wherever I have settled for too long, I stagnate. I know this is self inflicted,ha, so I am constantly trying to keep the breeze flowing, whatever I am doing. I have had no desire for the "security" for a few years now,I think because I see the pain it causes those in the process of losing theirs. But it just hit home again, as I have met someone , the only one I have ever considered spending the rest of my time here with. So now,it pops up again. I would like nothing more than to have that place for us to watch the story unfold, in amazement of it all,and of course for us to find our parts in it. The fact that it isn't there, the security,money,whatever, keeps leading me to believe that my part is in the wind,so to speak, and hopefully I will recognize that gust when it hits me. It also makes me reluctant to bring someone else into it, as most of my lessons have come at a price. On the other hand,this person, she is born on the same day as me,almost the same time, and we have incredible similarities,a total understanding, so maybe that is where both of our futures are.So I am going for it.

      chris, I really enjoyed the teacher/student conversation. The teacher sounds so elusive, but lets the student find his way to the answer,a step at a time. Those glimpses are moments to strive for, and the feeling one gets when "glimpsing" is what we should be trying to manifest here in our 3rd density. There are a few times when I have felt that "joy", and am always searching for it, and now trying to create it. Being so dissappointed arriving here in China for a second time to find out I was still unemployed, then being subjected to another agency that was using me as a playing card, I decided to flow with it, being happy wherever I went, and it has landed me in a sea of love. I have found the good in this place, and, as unsure as I am about where it will take me, I think I am ok with  it. The other 2 teachers here ,(both 22), are always depressed, and are astonished at how happy I am living in the same situation as them. Just being in the present seems to make things happen here with the kids,they pick up on it. Many of the chinese teachers think I am crazy when they walk by the room and see me leap to the top of the podium to teach,ha ! They are just in the rut, as they are so overworked here. One teacher went and got 5 others and brought them back to spy on me,trying to figure out what the hell I was doing ! But those spontaneous actions go a long way with the students, and many have come out of their shells in just a few weeks. anyways, I will keep this dialogue you posted, I think it gives a good picture of "how to deal " with alot of questions we all face.

          Wendy, I think the grass always looks greener over there, as when I turned 50, I wished my family was all in one place. We have always been scattered around the country,and have been lucky if we are all together at once every ten years or so. Yet, I have reached deeper understandings with each of my family members when I have spent time with them alone,on long visits. Yet, especially in these times, I wish we could all be together. And now, our distances are even farther apart, so I have to rely on that inner trust, knowing that somehow we will come together soon. Is it a struggle ? definitely,but my thought that over rules all lately is,,"isn't this time we live in amazing" ? I am in awe !,,,,,,T


fredburks's picture

Thank you for that beautifully written and vulnerable post, Jeff. I certainly have faced those same issues myself. I'm 54 and have chosen not to get married or have kids and not to buy a house. I don't have nearly enough to retire and now earn $27,000 year while my sister and many friends are earning six figures. At the same time, I have a number of friends who are also in my income bracket.

I feel very lucky/blessed that a significant part of me has always known that in order to do what I came here to do, I have to be willing to give up everything. There have been several times in my life when I had to make a choice between stability and giving it all up for the possibility of something much greater which was very unpredictable. Giving up my high-paying work as a nurse and language interpreter in 2003 and 2004 to start the work of PEERS was one of those big choices.

Yet I am thrilled that every time I have opted to go with the riskier choice, and every time it has paid off big -- not in terms of money -- but in terms of the absolutely invaluable experience and wisdom I've gained.

In the last few years I've had no less than seven close friends die, including a former lover who died in her sleep at age 44 late October last year of a cerebral aneurysm. Any one of us could die at any time. And any one of us may live to be over 100. So for me, yes, it's all about trust and opening to spiritual guidance towards whatever is best every day and in every moment. And considering my financial situation, it's all about finding ways to play and connect that don't cost money, yet bring deep satisfaction to my heart and soul.

I sometimes worry about what I'll do if nothing changes and I can't ever retire, something I see as a real possibility. But then I remember that I really do love what I'm doing, and that I can live very happily on next to nothing. I have many wonderful friends who I know I'll be able to connect with no matter what. These friendships are much more valuable than any amount of money. That is what I'm realizing is the most important part of my life, and realizing it more even as I type this.

So thanks so much, Jeff, for getting me and us thinking about such important matters. I guess the main question for me is, what really matters most in my life? And the answer pretty clearly for me is love and connection. For even if have no money and I have these, I am a very rich man.

And congratulations on finding a place in the beautiful Mount Shasta area, Jeff. I love that place. And if you are ever down in the SF area, I'd love to get together. Take care and enjoy your 50th year on this beautiful planet.

With abundant love, joy, and gratitude,

P.S. As a funny aside to this, just yesterday a former lover of mine with whom I am very close and who earned a six-figure income for the first time last year came over for a visit. As we talked about her joy at her financial success, she said something like "and when your old and poor, you know I'll take you in to live with me and my family, and I'll make sure you're taken care of till the end of your days." Who knows if she would really do that, but it's a beautiful sentiment, and I think most of us do have friends who would take us in if we really needed it.

fredburks's picture

How awesome that you've found such a special love, Tod. You go! And I think it is so cool that you've surrendered to the wind and found your place in the strange and foreign land of China. Having lived there for two years in 1983 to 1985, I know it is not an easy place to adapt to, so big kudos to you for finding your joy there and for inspiring your students to open up -- not at all an easy thing to do in the Chinese culture.

And by the way, my brother, who is in even worse financial shape than me, moved to Dalian in China to teach English last fall. Are you anywhere near there? You take care and enjoy your life and your new love.

With much love and warm wishes,

tscout's picture

    Dalian is up on the coast,right ? i remember there being a program there where you can get a teaching cert, then start teaching. I think it was Aston English. So far i have been to shanghai, Beijing, shuyang, nanjing, shenzhen, and now Hong Kong. but my contract is in shuyang. i will be back there with a new visa in a few days, and happy to be there, as hong Kong is full of shoppers,ha, crazed shoppers buying overpriced stuff. They have a different look in their eyes. hope you brother is doing well there, it sounds like a solid gig. peace to you,,,T

Bob07's picture

Wow, what a wonderful thread. Happy birthday all you '50-something's.  Thanks all.  Just a couple of responses:

Jeff, your message was so honest and open.  I'm a bit like you in that I've almost never worked for anyone else (maybe 2 years' worth all together), and then I've had one foot in and one foot out of the matrix, which, even though I see it for what it is, I still have some wish to have succeeded better within.  Matrix envy!  Indeed.  Yes, "to access this inner trust in our higher selves", that's it isn't it?  Glad you've been able to do this and that it has yeilded good things in your life.  (I've got part of that under my belt but not all...)  And congratulations on your new love, too. 

Todd, I could say much of the same to you.  The two of you -- and you, Fred, too -- are great examples of "way to go" in this new paradigm that's getting born with us in it (and within us).  That leap of faith, the trust in whatever is, and whatever is "Higher" (to be dualistic for a moment), is exactly the edge of the cliff where my toes are wiggling in the air right now.  -- And congratulations on your new love, too.  Amazing.



These are great posts and I thank all of you for sharing from your hearts. It is encouraging and inspiring to hear your stories and know that you are each having great effects on other people, bringing more people to awareness of their true reality. This made me think of when I attended my high school class 50th reunion(yes, I'm older than most of you) and seeing old classmates I had not seen since leaving high school. Just being with them gave me a sense of awe and love for each of them. It was as if I knew the struggles, joys, heartbreaks, successes, disasters and triumphs they had each gone through and then to see them as the genuine, kind, honest people that they were made me know that humans are wonderfully made and that there is great hope for the future. Really, we(humans) are so awesome and it is so valuable to help people wake up to their reality in an infinite multi-dimension universe! Thank you all!

Wendy, you might try the perspective that it is alright to be in the matrix but not of the matrix. If you live your life with awareness and being present to yourself and those around you then you are detached from the matrix while apparently being in it. This will have positive effects for both you and those around you and whatever efforts you(all of us) make will be ok.

Todd, I am excited to hear of your new love and the confluence of energies that brought you together. May you both be blessed! I can totally empathize with your feelings about Hong Kong. While in China we visited Shenzhen, Nanjing, Beijing, Macau, and Dalian as well. These are all quite developed cities and quite modern(I enjoyed a Starbucks in Nanjing) but the spirit there is becoming more materialistic as development occurs. We worked in the city of Tianjin teacing English at various universities there. Some universities had more students from rural areas of China and some had more from the cities. We definitely most enjoyed the students from the country, they were so sweet and had a wonderful, pure hearted spirit. The city students were also nice but seemed to be somewhat more like western students, looking more at what's in it for them. Have a great experience in China, as I know you will.

Thank you, Fred for your support of all of us.  As I'm sure you are aware, China has undergone vast changes since '85 which meant that my wife and I were able to move around rather freely with only minor interactions with the gov't. We visited Dalian on a 3 day tour. It is a beautiful modern city with a Russian district, I guess from the Czarist time. There were some parts of the tour that foreigners were not allowed to see, which was fine with me as I was tired and needed a break(Chinese tours are intense!) Dalian is a nice place and I am sure your brother will have a good situation there.

The thought about using trust as currency reminds me of a quote from Baha'u'llah on the topic of commerce. He states: "Commerce is a heaven whose sun is trustworthiness and whose moon is truthfulness."  The implication for me is that with trustworthiness and truthfulness, even our commercial endeavors will be heavenly. An exciting thought!

tscout's picture

    I think your post is quite relevant, and inspiring. Wrestling with all those thoughts, the initial thought,(how to make money), then countered by the (how can I take this into the new paradigm), is a great example of what is going through a lot of our minds. Most of us here are familiar with the zeitgeist movement, there have been some huge,long running posts, and debates on it, which usually boil down to,"those who just can't seem to grasp a world without money" versus "those who can't wait for it". They are just different levels of "readiness' for change. Money is so deeply ingrained in our lives. 

    That internal struggle is sure worth it. For several years, when I was in Taos, I experimented with living on less and less each month, a condition partially self-imposed, and then forced on me by the dying economy there. I was amazed at what I was capable of. In the end I was watering my food with just a few gallons of water a day, and doubling the size and yield of some plants using ozonated water. I set up many new houses there that supported most of their gardens using only the water from the roof. no barrels, they only collect a tiny amount from a rainfall. I build "streams" that use and store the water in the planting areas, soaking and storing areas which keep the plants through the dry season. Over the years I saw amazing results, fruit trees that bloom for 5 weeks in a drought year. No Kidding ! If you do use barrels, make sure the overflow can handle a good storm, and will feed the planting areas. if you would like help, please feel free to contact me. I would love to help. The more of that storm charged water you give the plants  ,the better your results. Terrain on the property also helps. I have done a couple of urban homes  in very tight situations, and they have thrived as well. And, if you are doing this in the home that is helping you along in these times, I think it will be well received,and is a good example of the big picture.

       Most of all, I hope that your efforts to create this co-op of sorts comes to fruition. I am truly impressed when I see anything along these lines happening, and you are not alone !  I can only hope that, when I return to the states, that I can become involved with something as open minded and optimistic as this. To me, it will not matter "what" we are doing, just that we are operating together with a focus on the big picture. May all of us be that lucky ! Peace to you !,,,,T




Noa's picture

You're a man after my own heart, Thomas.  I have developed a feeling of kinship here on the G-spot and so, awhile back, I extended an invitation to build a physical community with my favorite folks. Unfortunately, there were no takers.  If I could find or form such a community, I would probably return to the States.  (Things as they are, with the high rates of unemployment, foreclosures and such, it could be the only way possible.)

Anyway, here's a link about a solar water heater you can build from plastic bottles:

Unite's picture

 definitely thought provoking posts for me, im 23, i also have never really worked within the matrix's iv only had 2 pay-check jobs one at a pizza place and the other as a pool tec, combined together i worked no more then 10 months. iv been contemplating my situation, in which others are really doing the majority of supporting me "place to stay food to eat", and how i am grateful for that but im not really comfortable with it, comes from an indoctrination the tribe supports, "everyone has to make his own way" great idea for business men, cheap labor, even thou we can create a new paradigm, where machines can do most of the work for us(this is already the case, it should be a great thing think but in are curtain paradigm it miss places worker/money/buying power "cyclical consumption" so money has to go too) however i digress sense this is not how it is right now, it is something i support... i try to augment this uncomfortable feeling by learning and experimenting in ways to cut cost all around, from limiting my energy usage, farming are land, growing mushrooms, im going to put up rain barrels to water the garden this month. iv got a bunch of solar cells i plan to make into panels a 2kw system... im using the money i do have to make myself as sustainable as possible. however i still wanted to contribute to the finances of the household more then i do (still uncomfortable). From the work i did in cutting costs i realized some really big business opportunities in solar panels and mushroom growing, and for a moment i entertained the thought as a way to make money, grow a business that could become very profitable,there was a part of me that wanted to keep the knowledge to myself so i could reap the rewards.  however that soon fell away as the core of my being, realized a much greater opportunity with greater risk it wanted me to give a shot at trust, which one part of me loves fosters and holds and another fears, i accepted this fear is a part of me saw where it came from, and moved into love/hope. i created a video of the amazing potential fungi holds( and went to the z-day event in new york city in which i screened the film. z-day is part of the Zeitgeist Movement. a link to the main site and its mission statement ( i wanted to throw out my knowledge in blind faith and see if i can foster cooperation rather then competition . the video was very well received. im now creating an instructional video, going threw the steps to create a mushroom culture and grow your own mushrooms, which i will give out freely. i am also going to hold a free mushroom workshop at the request of others, already held a phone conference with many of thou's interested. so now im going to have a group of individuals in or affiliated with a socially progressive movement. im going to make an intention sheet in which i will ask the others to sign or agree to... it will not be forced on them and not necessary for the knowledge of the work shop. (similar to the agreement we made before connecting to the gathering spot) in which i will ask thou's to use this knowledge as a way to contribute to the hole. to see if we can pool are unique talents, contacts/sources to work together in bring out the change we want to see. imagine what we are capable of achieving if we support each other. i haven't finalized my presentation yet i sense amazing opportunity. If we Forster a mutual cooperation with each other in this area, it can be a beacon for others to do the same. The Course has help me recognize the spirit in which i wish to Forster my relationship with money. im going to use money as a tool for my inner self to speak. i will use my money in ways that will contribute to the benefit of all. i will use it to support myself, but any excess, will be used as a way to help transform are world into health, into love, and into cooperation. my experiment could fail to reach the heights its capable of, i hold no expectations. i know my inner self is speaking and guiding my actions in this and am truly excited... sorry if this may seem unrelated to the post, i just wanted to share what has been going on in my life as far as feeling vulnerable with my relationship with the matrix's and my currant financial social status and my jump into trust and the faith that my path is leading me into the situation's that will help me grow and help spread my intentions in the world. i want to thank everyone for the courage they have shown in opening up to this topic. it has help me look into my currant situation and share also, which has brought a new level of awareness into this unresolved center inside myself, in which i am now trying to foster a relationship with. your inspiring me to be more open with myself and this world and share it openly. Thank you. best wish's with peace and sacred love,your cosmic brother Thomas

Unite's picture

Thank you all. tscout im very interested in the knowledge and experience you have gained it would be immensely helpful you have a large amount of real life experience and success. im going to message you:) im living in a little urban plot of land on long island ny, im just begging my work on permaculture my ground cover grass alternative is clover, with chick weed and purslane. clover fixs nitrogen and uses alot less water this is a more natural ground cover should help bring in predatory incests and help protect the crops im planting there. also all that ground cover is edible so i can cut my lawn and have a health salad. my ground cover is well established. this is all on the front lawn sense that is where i get the most sun. im also hoping it will act as another small beacon ;), showing others how they can grow healthy food and save money with the potential right outside there first step. i would also love help for larger land environments, i know plots of land that are just sitting around that are many acres in size. one my family owns but has been sitting doing nothing (for human habit) for generations.


Noa :) i would love to partake in building community, i hope that i can help foster community where ever i may go or at least plant a few seeds for it. a friend led to this sight ( show a list of intentional community's connect with me and how many people really want community... ah i just checked the thread you already know about this :). i look forward to joining the discussion there.

with much love, your cosmic brother

The Gathering Spot is a PEERS empowerment website
"Dedicated to the greatest good of all who share our beautiful world"