Received this from a friend this morning, hilarious!!!!
(the comments in parentheses are my friend Dan's)
GED Test
ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS?
The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)......and they WILL
breed.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants
like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to
flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature
abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)
Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
(Simple,but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the
abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E,
I,O,U.. (wtf!)
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
(That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
Damn, these really are the indigo children - brilliant! And for those who want more:
http://www.binscorner.com/pages/h/how-to-fail-a-test-with-dignity.html
and I'm still laughing, in fact I haven't laughed so much in ages................................OMG are they serious..............thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much OMG that did me so much good I cant stop laughing xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
... I guess the NWO folks have succeeded in one of their target areas. Tears ran down my face as I read this. I'll let you know when I decide whether I was laughing or crying.
-- On second reading, several of these seem like the fabrications of fairly sharp people who are looking to make a joke. The one about the vowels in the bowel is the outstanding tip-off. Then the one about the "flirtation" of drinking water (flirting out dead sheep and coneoists? - Come on...) -- But it's funny in any case. Enjoyed it.
What do you get when you have a mushroom and a 6 pack of beer?
a fungi to be with........! (one of the cutest oneliner's my kids every brought home)
Benign...what will be after you be eight...pure genius!