Giggles to lighten and brighten your day

Think
before you speak...

Here are six reasons why you should think before you
speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you
could
immediately take the words back...
Here are the Testimonials of a
few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon
with my husband and
three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you
charge for a shampoo and a blow j *b?"
I turned around and walked back out
and never went back.
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing
different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had
been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one
of the good-looking gentlemen
who works at the store. He asked if he could
help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said ,
"I think I like
playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I
were at the mall and
passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and
nuts.
As we were looking at the display case,
the boy behind the counter
asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :

While in line at the bank one afternoon,

my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I
was finally able to grab hold of
her after receiving looks of disgust

and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start
behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me
in the eye and
said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me
go right now,
I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee
last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of
my dignity and
walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last
thing I heard as
the door closed behind me,
were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question
too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty
training
and I was on him constantly
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for
a quick lunch
in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining
room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny,
so of course I
checked my seven-month-old daughter,
and she was clean.
Then I realized
that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to
go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident,
and I don't have any clean clothes with me."
Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he replied.
I
just KNEW that he must have had an accident,
because the smell was getting
worse.
So, I asked one more time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his
cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly
choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and
sat down.
An older couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best
laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This one
had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed
female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow, but don't get any?
We had a female
news anchor who,
the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,

turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you
promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half
the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!