Losing my friend

 My dearest friend and confidant has to my shock and horror embraced christian fundamentalism. I cannot bear the change this has brought and the barren wasteland it has made of our friendship. For the last couple of years I have had a meaningful and close friendship with Denise. We met at a psychic experiences group meeting. She showed up one night looking desperately for answers. She told the group between sobs and tears about crazy and frightening psi experiences she was having. Clearly she had profound, rare abilities but my heart went out to her because she was in so much pain and confusion. Afterwards, I heard her say she was confused on how to drive home from there so I offered to have her follow me in her car until she could get on the right road home. She was so grateful for that and later we became friends. She helped me out financially when she found out I had car problems and it saved my bacon and helped turn my life around. I am far from my family and go to her house for Thanksgiving and even Christmas sometimes. She is also gifted with wisdom and has helped me sort through confusion and pain from losses and get my feet planted on the ground again. I am a liberal politically and she is deeply conservative so I had to learn to focus on what we have in common(huge) and try to avoid political stuff(small). The huge reward was to have a caring and amazing friendship with a person who gets me and loves me......so much so, it brings me to tears.

 And we shared a number of deep fascinations: UFO's and aliens, ESP phenomenon, the nature of life,  and increasing our connection with divinity. I've spent many nights on her back deck UFO-watching the sky and spotting UFO craft and mysterious lights that we BOTH saw together-so reassuring to have confirmation! We both were trying hard to understand UFO experiences and about ESP. (BTW the two seem to be intertwined)....
 Me: seen some craft flying around and done some remote viewing / Her: had a craft hover over her back yard 150' away, (with missing time) then had fighter jets chase them off, then having her lifelong psychic abilities explode uncontrollably afterwards ...
 Me: learning to increase and recognise my psi abilities-had some success  / Her: invited to parties of UFO researchers, experiencers and psychics and becoming friends with amazing people with startling stories that made my hair stand on end. / Me: can sense when there's a speed trap ahead / Her: has dreams where she looks through other peoples eyes during major disastors, predicts earthquakes, shares dreams with strangers she's never met and later meets them and discovers they remember the dreams too / Me: can't even connect with my dead loved ones in a dream / Her: often connects in dreams with a mutual friend (also v. gifted) and then the two of them pulled me into the dream so the 3 of us could have a picnic at her grandmothers farm. Treasured experiences and my whole view of life has been altered by our friendship.

There's so much more to explaining my feelings but I have to shorten this...

 So she has had this deep faith since she was a little girl in God and the bible. Her faith buoyed my own new experience of God and the profound love and healing I receive.  But recently, she decided to study the bible by reverse translating parts and forward translating to English again in a scholarly effort to correct understandings. The result is she became obsessed with the story of the "end times". She says we're in it and I have to get right with god and bursts into tears with concern for me. It's clear that right now I am cursed to spend eternity in Hell. She says she will never give up on me but she says only 120,000 people will be saved. The Earth is 5000 years old. The Bible is the literal truth and is the only true source of knowledge. Catholics are going to hell. Gays going to hell. Noahs ark.. Every Muslim is a monster. Everything '...is an abomination' type stuff. All the same shit I have been astonished to learn people believe in this day and age.
 So she says aliens are demons, UFO's are demons, now she doesn't have spirit guides-those were demons. Psychic abilities are the work of Satan (unless you ask God to give you whatever of that you might need to fulfil his needs and thus rationalizing her still persisting gifts). She says she feels so much better since she fully turned her whole life over to gods will. No doubt. Just color inside the lines.

 So I have to drop to my knees in prayer and turn my life over to God, forget the search for understanding of UFO's and psi and that life and God is mystery. She actually said to me last night "what mystery?" Name ANY other faith-it's evil. Eat, sleep, pray and "prepare for the horror about to come"-heads will be cut off, children raped, UFOs' will flood the sky in an effort to make us believe it's Jesus return when really it's a false flag by Satan. All her words.

 The only horror to me is that she has lost her mind. This kind of conversion rarely retreats so she has essentially been dragged off and replaced with a zombie.

Fuck the bible and it's curse on mankind. It might as well have been cancer.

fredburks's picture

I'm very sad to hear this, Brian. How terribly sad to lose a close friend to this. I'm sending you much love and support.

tscout's picture

     So strange to see someone go the other way!  It's funny,,,statistics show that when people are asked what the most "real" experience of their lifetime was,,, they will without hesitation name the NDE, or the amazing dream they had, or the ufo sighting, or to generalize more,,,,any psychic experience in their life....So ,,,it is amazing to think that her revision of the bible became more real than any of those amazing experiences she has had ,,with you and without you..   You have talked about her so often here that it shocks me a little too! I understand that giving yourself over to anything can cause drastic changes like this, but,,I would think that,,,with her knowledge,she would of done enough cross referencing to see the relation between the bible and "aliens". It seems as though her revision would have strengthened her beliefs in both our "roots", and faith in some supreme intelligence,,,ie,,,god being the consciousness w all have in common,,,the source, the planck scale,,,whatever you want to call it. I have had a couple of friends Who were,,,"born again", and it was amazing to see their mind  shut like a big iron door when they accepted those beliefs.....  Maybe if we all read ALL religous texts we could overcome the trap that they seem to place on any type of free thinking.....   Hang inthere buddy,,it ain't over yet!

Bob07's picture

Brian, it must be very hard to lose a friend that way.  It's tempting to think that she's lost her way completely, if not her mind (which you mention).  But who can say what someone has to work through in their life? 

Honestly, were I in your place, I wouldn't give her up as lost, but I would give up hope (which can be expectation and judgment in disguise).  I'd do my best to let go of negative scenarios and negative feelings, and then simply send her love and do Ho'oponopono for her daily

onesong's picture

I am in agreement with Bob, just love her anyway. That is a test of your own ability to see love in everything. Often we learn more by example than any other way. Show her. In the meantime, love yourself as well and don't judge any of it or take any of it too personally. Don't try to change her, accept that she's right where she needs to be for whatever lesson is coming next. Her lessons will come.


Brian's picture

 I felt this strange pull of the story she "takes" from the bible. "The end times are here" there are strange coincidences with bible verses that they say prove this and that. It's not hard for me to listen to my friend sincerely to see if there's any sense to it and she's so persuasive and all...so suddenly, I'm feeling afraid that what if she's right?

It's a virus. It reminded me of the book Snow Crash where a hacker creates a type of visual noise on computer screens that crashes peoples brains.

Tscout I was so surprised too-this belief system closes you to the world and insulates you from others who are not exactly like you in their beliefs. It just felt so tragic and wasteful.
 You guys are saying don't abandon her yet and I don't want to. That feels right..to give her time. She's in her 50's and my sister said she may be going through menopause and that it can make women really lose it. She might be trying to connect with her father (she was abused by her now estranged father-a sociopath) and abused otherwise also. She has some health issues and lots of physical pain plus mental pain from difficult psychic challenges and her abduction experiences. If she wants to take a vacation to Lala Land for a while I can live with that but how long should I give her? She's been an incredibly generous and kind friend to me and shared herself selflessly to help me be happy. How can I abandon her? But what are we going to talk about anymore?

Shit-now I'm tearing up again. I guess I'm just going to have to take a vacation from her. MAybe that's what she's on-a vacation from reality. My Sis says this conversion is the ultimate opiate-the most powerful drug there is and that she is hiding from stuff she doesn't want to deal with. I have to say that sounds right.

tscout's picture

      Onesong said it as simple as can be,,,,love her anyways! Man, I know it's hard,   but, she's not gone...Realize that, with her focus on end times, it"s likely fear based. Of course, we can all speculate on that but we don't know for sure what's playing out here. One thing is for sure,,,,it is a huge test for you,,,if you can love her now it will strengthen the both of you. If you split now it might just reinforce her new beliefs, and leave her feeling more alone than ever...It could take the "end times" to shake her out of it!


ChrisBowers's picture

I sense a kinda knee jerk running scared reaction to her own personal experiences.  Like you said,

"She has some health issues and lots of physical pain plus mental pain from difficult psychic challenges and her abduction experiences. If she wants to take a vacation to Lala Land for a while I can live with that but how long should I give her?"

I totally agree with the "as long as it takes" consensus in this comment thread.  Lift her up in appreciation and confidence that she will weather this emotional/psychological storm.  Hold her in the Love and Light of the One Infinite Creator.  And by all means keep it simple.  That "Hold her in the Love and Light of the One Infinite Creator is a generic offering from RA from the Law of One sessions.  To date still my favorite catch all for a real simple child-like prayer that doesn't require the prayer to understand anything about the Origin of the One.

I'm so done with religions that claim to fully understand the Origin and makeup of the One and All.  It is presumptuous pretentious nonsense that allows the ego to feel the illusion of complete understanding when in reality the ego can essentially never actually know anything Real.  It can only fight like hell to defend its personal pet notion of the unreal it has adopted for a "spell".

That said, it would only be our own ego reaction to entertain any judgment of someone taking a seemingly odd detour in their life's journey.  May turn out to be a brilliant move in time.  She may help others in that particular religious circle understand things better once she sees for herself that people are limiting themselves, boxing themselves in unnecessarily.

What I mean is that what she can't see in herself right now concerning this self limiting adoption of non essential dogma (in a desperate attempt to feel safe from harm, something she probably hasn't felt in some time now), she will be able to see in her perception of others around her at some point in time.

And then hopefully have a new aha moment where she realizes she was doing the very same thing, a moment that liberates her from the spell while still remaining friends with those she has come to know and love in her present religious circle of trust.  The thing I hope and pray she realizes in time is that she, like all of us, was never in any danger of being lost in the first place.  Just a very tempting illusion that makes me think about what James from WingMakers was saying about this very tempting notion that is built into the engineered GSSC (God Spirit Soul Complex) intended to keep us controllable in some form of fear-based religious format and matrix.

Original Primary Intention:  to breed controlable slaves....  (but I digress).....

Give her time to find herself and completely forgive her right up front for all the dogmatic preachy nonsense that is about to come out, as is so typical of recent honeymoon period converts to any religious persuasion.  She will ultimately be very impressed with your loving patience.  And don't bother debating any of the very stale religious talking points - it only helps reinforce her present pet project that she will ultimately dismiss for Reality.  Its only a matter of time and there is no deadline, regardless of fear-based religious manipulative tactics concerning deadlines and running out of time to be saved, blah blah blah...

As for "end times", disregard any religious intepretations!  They are a distraction, not accurate descriptions of any period in time.  We are going through earth changes regardless of religious blah blah.  We need to keep our eyes on the ball and trust these Cosmic processes.  We need to prepare ourselves to calmly be there for others who are not prepared, having spent their lives living in a self-suited illusory cocoon.  We here and many others on the other hand have gone through the stages of realization, excitement, anger, depression, and finally resolve and integration of info ever since our waking up red pill moment triggered by 9-11.

We are some of the most prepared people for the possible shit storm that is very likely coming in the near future, and many will be yelling their religious beliefs and dogma from the roof tops, and many more will just need a calm helping hand from those like us who will never be surprise ever again by any false flag event, including any UFO invasion false flag event or some form of return of Jesus or any other saviorship model archetype false flag event.

Holding both of you and All of Us in the Love and Light of the One Infinite Creator.

Wendy's picture

Hi Brian,

I'm getting a picture of your friend falling into a hole and you're trying to get her out but you're so afraid of the hole you're not able to get close enough to pull her out.

What if you offered to attend her church services with her? It is possible she has fallen into a real cult but you wouldn't know that unless you attended the church with her. I suppose there is the fear that you might get sucked in yourself but I think if you really have confidence in your ability to logically think things through, this shouldn't be a fear.

I'm thinking that if you let go of the fear, you could have a deep discussion about the entire subject and give her plenty of space to explain her point of view, you might be better armed with the illogic of her mindset. Like would Jesus really condem gay people to hell? How is this consistent with so many of the passages in the Bible like "love you neighbor as yourself"? I guess what I'm saying is try to show her how the Bible isn't consistent with her new view. I think the Bible has a lot of very valuable lessons burried within the myths - studying it can be valuable for anyone, even if you don't have the same take on it she does.

Just my 2 cents... I pray that your relationship is healed, however that might happen.

Noa's picture

Thank you for sharing your personal thoughts with us, Brian.  I was very moved by your words.

All I can say is we each have our own path to walk, and though it may be difficult to see or accept another's journey, Denise's path is best suited for her growth right now. 

I understand her choice.  It's a natural reaction, when one fears one's own psychic abilities, sexual orientation, etc. to turn to "the church" for answers.  But take heart; this could just be a phase she needs to experience and may not be a life sentence for her. 

Supporting your friend on her journey may be easier if you can step back from consensus reality a bit and look at the bigger picture.  Before we're born we make certain agreements; we come here to fulfill certain goals.  It's all about soul growth and evolution.  Think on that idea for awhile, Brian. It may bring you some comfort.  The greatest gift you can give someone is to love them through their crazy times.  In the grand scheme of things, this seemingly nutty path is for her highest good.  (Deep down we all know this; it's the rocky times in our lives that make us strong.)

As for her "end times" predictions... I believe that we get what we believe we will get.  Focusing on doomsday or world peace or whatever does aid themanifestation of such things (although it's a bit more complicated than New Agers may say).  Each of us, individually via our thoughts and emotions, is contributing to the cosmic soup of all that is.

So knowing what a powerful creator you are, where do you want to put your attention?

Brian's picture

 Thank you to each one of you for sending your thoughts and healing energy. Many things said have been a help. Noa-i really appreciated your caring thoughts here. Wendy, your spot on about the fear it brings out in me(BTW-Wendy-she doesn't belong to any church at all and doesn't ever attend one! Her peers are all on the Internet in various places).

My central thought now is what are we going to talk about?  The weather? Her beliefs kill everything else.

I'm lost.

Brian's picture

 So I went to see Denise last Thursday and had supper there and we watched the slightly wild weather for excitement from her porch. It was normal and fun mostly. I think we each avoided talking about anything that might reveal the raw divide. We danced around it. I guess we'll probably remain friends but I won't be able to talk to her about what actually interests me. That's so sad. She was my single closest friend in many years, someone I could really have a conversation with. She was a safe person to talk about hard subjects with and about exciting things and discoveries too because she was an explorer too. I can still talk to her about life and all but not about the exciting things.

Wendy you make a good point about trying to show her the inconsistencies in the bible but she is clever and has insulated her mind from being influenced. Over the last year I have tried. That is part of the way christian fundamentalism works(or it could be islamic). Fundamentalism is like a really well built WWII fighter plane. Besides being aggressive, it has self sealing gas tanks, cockpit armor, and a rotary, air-cooled engine so it can get shot up really bad and still get you back home.  It doesn't matter if I shoot her full of holes-she can patch it up and get back in the air. I early on noticed she has something I simply do not have-unshakable faith. I've never met anyone so sure of God. I learned that early on with her but she always tempered her language to accommodate my (and others)  more modern interpretation of god. She was flexible in a very loving and giving way and met you at your level and that endeared her to me as well because she accepted my "spiritual" path. But if the Bible is literal truth then you must follow it as proven fact. Ugh. To me that's like worshipping anything else. How about we worship Romper Room or Mr. Rogers Neighborhood or a bowl of cereal?

Hey dude,

You are going to do what you will do....can't worry about that....but you can fine tune it a little....

what can you do to prepare yourself ?.....exactly what you have done ......discuss it, try to understand it, understand yourself in it, vent a little, remember your friend, the things you liked.....care....


You are right on....look at it......you are making yourself respons-able....when the time comes you will act true to yourself....you stopped to take the time to remember yourself and your friend....you will be ready ......well done........

I love the way you roll mate....especially when you work through something....you truly are a good person.....






Brian's picture

That was one of the kindest things anyone has said to me in a long time. Made me feel better Jez. Her friendship has been so emotionally deep with me that it's painful to even explain it to other people. I don't want you to know it hurts this much-you might not think well of me/

What did you mean when you said
"....you stopped to take the time to remember yourself and your friend....you will be ready"
Ready for what?  (I'm sure I'm not going to like your answer)

Hi Brian,

Too many people just react....say things they don't really mean......if we stop and check our beliefs, check what it is thats bugging us...think about the good parts of this person who has just pissed us off...etc   you can then go back with a proactive response.......

people don't usually regret their proactive actions but the reactionary ones.....lol.....

all to often they do not resemble who we are, they are our frustrations, emotions, desires.....you have put yourself into perspective hence I don't think you will just pop and say nasty things to Denise....you can communicate your feelings very well.....the first paragraph below where you describe what Denise means to you is beautiful....have you told her that?..

you are ready to work through it or as can happen, walk away....sorry probably the bit your not going to like....but thats life mate.........you won't know which way it will go until "a" moment and then you will know what is right for you and for Denise....and you will act.....and I doubt you will regret it, might not like it but you'll be able to live with it......best of luck, I do hope your friendship grows through this and I think you are giving it every chance to...


Make any sense?

Brian's picture

"I cannot bear the change this has brought and the barren wasteland it has made of our friendship" I have an informal rule that to learn means you have to be willing to look foolish. I feel a little foolish. I just got back from a weekend at the beach with Denise and her husband Rob and we had a nice time. They have this monster, luxurious camper and we caught fish in the ocean and blah blah blah-a nice time. So Denise seems to have chilled out slightly with the religious stuff and has started talking about her psychic abilities and her UFO experience again. She's not assigning everything to the trash heap of "Demons" so simply now. For instance, she told me more details about her biggest UFO experience/ abduction. After the craft was gone she was sitting on her deck smoking when a black helicopter hovered right over her yard just a few feet above her trees. She felt like they were filming her. Can you imagine? The windows were completely blacked out "like flatblack spray paint" and they angled or tilted over to better see her. She gave them the finger(that's so Denise) and they left. I felt like I had my old Denise back.

 Maybe she needed a break from it all-a holiday from her confusion and inablility to make sense of it all.  I think she is integrating her older and newer thinking to form a better way of holding it. She has experienced several frightening things and she is coping with it the best way she knows how-by turning to God wholeheartedly. Her faith helps her be calm and live less chaotically like  she was for a while. She said she put everything in Gods hands.

It's funny-I finally spoke with a mutual friend(just as close to Denise) about Denise's new found religiosity and she said "Oh really?-I just spoke to her last night for an hour and I hadn't noticed". LOL

Noa's picture

Don't worry, Brian. We all do it -- projéct our thoughts and worries onto others.  It's part of learning.  When I find myself accusing others unfairly, I try to remember this poem...


The Cookie Thief
by Valerie Cox

A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shops.
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be.
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.

So she munched the cookies and watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye."

With each cookie she took, he took one too,
When only one was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half, as he ate the other,
She snatched it from him and thought... oooh, brother.
This guy has some nerve and he's also rude,
Why he didn't even show any gratitude!

She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at the thieving ingrate.

She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat,
Then she sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.

If mine are here, she moaned in despair,
The others were his, and he tried to share.
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.


Brian's picture

That's beautiful Noa, thank you. It reminded me of a couple of times the exact same thing happened to me. PSYCHE!!!!!

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