It only Takes a Girl

tscout's picture

  sometimes it is interesting to come to a post after the dust has settled...As I read through, i saw everyone's point ! ha ! The confusing part,,,but am mentioning Viv' s in particular. The quotes from the Tao, if followed allow for the lesson of duality to be expressed, and learned from. Of course, if it is true that we are at the end of the need for duality, then we need to get by this, but ,,,,,I would think that right now,here, at the threshold, things could get more intense than ever, and this post is a great example , or microcosm, of this time we are knee deep in...Isn't it great !!!,,Love you all,,T

Francis's picture

"things could get more intense than ever."  Reading this post I couldn't help think of some of the posts on Project Avalon and how heated they've been getting lately.  And while I do believe there are some disinfo agents imbedded there and doing their best to incite controversy and discredit good info I can't help but notice many of the regulars have also been coming to verbal fisticuffs lately.  Here's a good example of what I mean:

And there was another one that got much worse titled:  My name is Pilar, where posters were attacking one another and being viciously sarcastic and mocking in tone.  It feels as if the polarities are very extreme at the moment, the sun is flaring up and we need to be extra vigilant in our dealings with one another.  Fred, as always, has some sage advice.  I don't know what to say to heal the wounds created here, but I know that each one involved is an evolved being capable of the highest forms of human expression and attainment.  Things are definitely reving up, let's weather the storm together folks.  Much love and gratitude to you all!

tscout's picture

  thought my other comment had not uploaded


The postings here have been process and a good one at that.  Thank you all for the great efforts you are making, instead of just turning your backs and disappearing.  I also thank Fred for his strong, gentle support, guiding us to a decent resolution.

I am reminded of a book I read many years ago by Laura Huxley (wife of Aldous Huxley) whose title is "You are not the target". I don't remember much about the book but the title has stayed with me all these years.  When I have been 'attacked' I remember the book and realize I am not the target of the attack.  The target exists only in the mind of the attacker and when they fire their arrows at the target you get hit just because you are standing in the way of the target.  (I hope you get the idea).  Another way to look at it is you are not a victim of an attack if you do not accept the attack.  Does this make sense?

If a person attacks me in an obviously hurtful way, then I try to assume that they are attacking their perception of me and not the real me.  This gives me room to respond in a more thoughtful, understanding way than if I strike back at the perceived attacker who is not the reality of the person I perceive to be an attacker.  (I hope this isn't too convoluted.)  They are probably needing to be heard or recognized in some way which may then defuse their anger and help them to change their perceptions.

I realize Chris was defending Wendy and coming to the defense of one attacked is a quality of justice.  If applied in the best way, this will help bring the antagonists closer together and strengthen the sense of oneness.  True justice will bring people together and I think that is what Fred and all of us really want. 

There is a way of being that I have fairly recently incorporated into my life and that is having a 'posture of learning.'   This helps me to realize that whatever happens is a learning process.  I have fewer successes or failures and more learning opportunities.  Success and failure on this plane means very little if anything.  It's just the process of developing our spirit, our human reality.

Thanks for all of your work, it really helps me to continue working.  I am sorry for creating so many problems. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.



Noa's picture


I appreciate your input, Fred.  I don't know how much you read our posts, but this particular issue with Fairy's "attacks" has been ongoing for months.  I think what makes Fairy's behavior particularly abrasive is that she talks out of both sides of her mouth -- often ending her personal attacks with "I bless you with love."  Privately, some of us have wondered what is really going on in such a mind.  Chris and I (among others) have mentioned the problem to her before, but our pleas seemed to have fallen on deaf ears.  I'm glad it has finally come to a head.

Thank you for that apology, Elizabeth.  I hope that means you're finally hearing the feedback that your words have been evoking from us.  Jesus taught that we must forgive 70 times 70 times.  Without truly feeling the "I'm sorry and I forgive you" within our hearts, it may take that many times to get it right.

The Gathering Spot should be a safe place to voice our views and opinions without being attacked.  (I've reduced my postings because it haven't felt "safe" here, lately.)  When we post, it is well to remember that tact and diplomacy in our word choices are also in order.  Even so, we can't please everyone.  Someone is bound to disagree or be offended.  We all "lose it" from time to time and say things we shouldn't.  We're only human... but being human should be the thing that draws us together instead of apart.  We are more alike than we are different.  Let's learn from our mistakes and move on.

This seems like a good time to go practice my Ho'oponopono...



fredburks's picture

Thanks for sharing your wisdom on this, Ken, and to the others, too, who have posted with great care and thought. Like Ken, I find it very helpful when I feel someone attacking me to realize that I am not the target. I know that if I find ways to truly and deeply love myself and am clear in my intention to love others, then it is much easier to see every act as either an act of love or a call for love.

With deep love and gratitude to you all,

Wendy's picture

I just wanted to let everyone know Elizabeth and I have been conversing and in my opinion a beautiful healing has taken place.


fredburks's picture

That is so awesome, Wendy!!! Congratulations. Thank you so much for being willing to face the shadow and transform it with love.

And what about you, Chris? Do you think it is possible for you to find your way to love and healing with Elizabeth? Remember that we are all interconnected. And remember that if we who are clearly dedicated to transformation can't do this, I really don't think we can expect the world to do it. Transformation is up to us.

You take care, and Wendy, thanks again so much for you willingness to heal with Elizabeth. She also communicated privately to me that she felt a greater understanding and healing between you two. Have a beautiful day and weekend.

With deep love and gratitude,

fredburks's picture

Thanks for your thoughts here, Noa. I understand your feeling about Elizabeth's behavior. A big yes to practicing the ho'oponopono and seeing how much you can really feel and live it.

My question to you is what role are you playing in this? It takes two to tango, and I know you want to move from a place of love and transformation. If you want some inspiration on how to move forward, I highly recommend reviewing lesson three at the link below:

You take care and have a beautiful day and weekend ahead.

With much love and warmest wishes for healing,

Noa's picture

So noted, Fred. I take responsibility for my part in this snafoo.  I respectfully disagree, however, that it always "takes two to tango."   Sometimes people lash out without provocation.  I don't think it's fair to condemn anyone for protesting against personal attacks, nor is it fair to expect people to quietly accept whatever is dished out on this forum.

I'm wondering why you haven't also posted similar advice to Elizabeth.  In my opinion, by correcting the behaviors of Chris, Wendy, and myself while ignoring Elizabeth you are unwittingly giving her reason to justify her poor behavior.  Although she has paid some lip service to our pleas, I have my doubts as to whether she has truly taken our words to heart.

Some of us suspect that there may be a deeper, psychological disorder at hand here... and we are sympathetic to that possibility.   This does not, however, entitle anyone to be abusive.

fredburks's picture

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Noa. People most certainly do lash out without provocation. But then how you respond to that provocation makes all the difference in the world. When attacked, you have to ask yourself do you truly want to operate from a place of love, or do you choose to follow the old eye for an eye paradigm? Do you respond by engaging in confrontation, or do you do your best to see this as a call for love and respond with compassion? This for me is where the rubber meets the road. I invite you to review lesson three if you want some inspiring tips along these lines.

Regarding Elizabeth, she has chosen to withdraw from posting in the Gathering Spot for a while to try to find more love for herself and hopefully for you and others when she is ready. She is the one who originally contacted me in a private message about this post. She was feeling quite frustrated and feeling attacked. I pointed out to her in as loving and supportive of a way as I could where it appeared to me that she was attacking and asked her thoughts. We've had numerous exchanges since, which is partially what led to Wendy and Elizabeth having a rich and meaningful private conversation and healing.

In my private words to Elizabeth, I am always encouraging her to look at her role, even as, like you, she often wants to justify her behavior based on your behavior and that of others. I encourage her again and again to see that the most powerful change happens when we shift our role in the conflict and stop trying to change the other. I truly believe it takes two to tango.

I invite you to read the story of transformation I experienced with my father in lesson three to see a concrete example of how I was eventually able for the first time in my life to become friends with my father only after I let go of trying to change him. It was intense and not at all easy, but in the end, it was very powerful for me and my father.

Do you know that in the depths of our hearts, everyone here wants to love and support each other? If we of the Transformation Team can't do it, is it a surprise that the world hasn't changed yet? I really encourage each of us to look at our role in what is happening.

I know that on some level I am also responsible for my part in everything that is happening here. I sincerely apologize for any way I am causing all of this and ask your forgiveness. I love you, and I thank you for this opportunity to dance with the shadow. I am deeply committed to doing my best to invite ever more love into our connections. You take care, and I welcome your thoughts.

With abundant love and warm wishes for transformation,

Noa's picture

Thanks, Fred.  That was clearer.  I agree with practically all of it.

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