Science Reveals Heaviest Element Ever Discovered

Science Reveals Heaviest Element Ever Discovered

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to
science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant
neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it
an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected,
because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny
amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a
second, to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not decay, but
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and
deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to
become neutrons, forming isodopes, not to mention multiple oxymorons.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. That
hypothetical quantity might normally be called "critical mass" but,
in this
unique case it is known as "critical mess".

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (Am),
another just-discovered element that radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.