Special Prayer Request

As of today Sunday, this morning they moved Ray to ICU. He was having respiritory problems and was very disoriented. Treatement was immediately started. I wasn't able to talk to him today because he was sedated while they were doing whatever it was they were doing. This afternoon a doctor, a renal specialist called me saying his kidneys were not functioning properly. I avoid using the word "failing" as I have intentions and affirm that this is not so.  In any case his condition has not improved but deteriorated today.

I am having more difficulty keeping my spirits up than I have ever experienced. I avoid negative thoughts but they continually keep sneaking in.  Thoughts of life insurance, where it the will, such negative and unnecessary thoughts which only drag me down more.  I am human after all!!! When one's loved ones are involved it is difficult to maintain a bright positive attitude, but I am determined Ray and I will not be victims of negative thought.  So it is and it is so.  Our choice is our choice not the default results of negative thought.

Thank you all for your loving thoughts, prayers and affirmations.

You have no idea how much I appreciate all of your concern and prayers. I have certainly been in a divided state of mind the last 24 hours.  I swing between discouragement and hope each moment.  My mind begins to be concerned about final arrangements etc and then in anger I put those thoughts away and see Ray regaining his health and having more years for us to enjoy each other.   

I think that I must find a balance though.  The possibility that he will pass over is high and that requires my attention to things if that is the outcome. On the other hand, I must, even while considering those things keep my desire and intention and prayers on his healing. I have so many loving people along with you all lifting him up in prayer and the hand of The Creator is all powerful to provide healing miracles if that is the proper end results.  If Ray has in his spirit chosen this time to pass over then nothing we can do will change that.  It is his free will to end his physical life here and move on to a higher realm. I of all people should realize that.  It is a certain natural selfishness in me that wants him to stay with me.  I face for the first time the loss of someone who is so loved and a part of myself and though others in my family have died, I took the passing in the higher regard, that they were only moving on.  With Ray, I have a deeper emotional and psychological investment and this is more painful than any of those other losses.

As I said, I must seek balance in this thing.  It is the trial which will prove my oneness with all that is, realizing that even if he does pass, he and I and everyone/thing are one with All That Is and there is no separation.

Last night, I received a call from one of the doctors who treated him before during his last massive blood clot.  Dr. Powell is a loving and wonderful doctor and she offered me her deepest compassion and sympathy while she spoke with me.  She told me though that Ray is bleeding from one of the veins in the pancreas and that they had to do some sort of x ray which required the infusion of a particular dye in order to determine where that bleeding was occuring. This in turn is going to cause further problems with his kidneys. I was also told that he was requiring blood transfusions. 

Needless to say this did not help my state of mind.  I and the dogs and cat managed to get some rest last night none the less.

I will keep you updated.  He is still under heavy sedation today and the nurse told me this morning that he has not improved but it has not gotten worse either, which is some ray of hope.

Love and light to all of you with my sincerest gratitude

Berry

Ray transitioned at 8:15 this evening, Tuesday April 20 2010.

The doctors told me to day that the life support that he was on was only prolonging the enevitible and that he had only a very slim chance of recovery and then no promise of quality life afterward. He and I had already decided that he nor I desired to be kept alive under these circumstances. After talking with his sister, we decided it was best to remove the support and let him pass peacefully without all of the discomfort.  He released his spirit from the body within 45 minutes and seemed to be at peace at the last.

I had some very dear friends with me who were there at that moment and we had a prayer circle at the very moment of passing which greatly lifted my spirit and I am sure eased his passage into the higher realms.

It is a strange thing. I have been reading the life story of Edgar Cayce. The last passage which I read before going into the ICU was this quote from the Psalms, which when I read it caused me to come to tears for its exactitude and prophetic content.

"God is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in times of trouble.

Therefore will we not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the moutains be carried into the middle of the sea;

Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God..."

I have often read recently, in various channeled messages, that many will choose to pass on in preparation for the upheavals accompanying these times. The scripture above is certainly suited for the times of trouble we are witnessing these days.

I am at this time working through the natural grief of loss of a very beloved loved one. But I know that he is only as far away from me as a thought or a whisper which gives me abundant comfort.

Thank you all for your comforting thoughts, prayers, meditations and healing intentions.

Love and Light in the name of our One Infinite Creator,

Berry

I am blessed indeed to have so many dear loving souls sending love-light and bright thoughts to me in this time.  I can assure you every bit of it is surrounding me with uplifting faith and energy to keep on with what is necessary at this time.  I have also been surrounded by loving friends here who are ever offering any assistance or companionship while I work through this great change in my life.

It is without question a great change to loose that one who is closest to you and on whom you are trusting as a help-mate in life.  I suddenly find myself having to change so many mundane routines of which I confess, I took for granted sometimes when he was doing his part. This will eventually become natural though it is going to take some effort to mold into the change. My biggest challenge will be taking care of the two dogs and the cat who are used to having 24 hours of attention with Ray being here all day. I must continue to do my nine to five.

Last night, when I got home and began to relax, I began talking to Ray as if he where physically sitting with me.  I told him how much love I had for him and how already I was missing his closeness but then told him that I realize he is no further from me than he ever was, if not closer.  I told him that now, he was beginning to understand all of the things which I had discussed with him about the other side, the higher realms and that now it was going to be more real to him than it is to me as I only have it from second hand reports.

I had a couple of conversations with him, and I am sure his spirit was hearing my words and feeling the love that was flowing out with them.  I had an amazing sense of peace and comfort when finally I chose to go to bed.  I think that the two dogs and cats were aware of the presence in the room as when it began, Harvey let out a very unusual bark, as if to say "There is something strange going on."   He was aware of the energy present.  Heidi the little one simply watched me intently from the hassock she was lying on at my feet, I think realizing that we were not alone. Jolie the cat jumped up on the arm of my chair and purred in my ear while this was going on.

Ray's niece and nephew were with me when I went to the funeral home this morning in to make final arrangements and that was a synchronistic blessing too as unknowingly to me, I needed witnesses to sign some the of the papers. 

Thank you all again for creating such a magnificent shelter of love/light for us during this time.  I am ever grateful.
L&L
Berry

In these last few days, I am finding that I have friends who love me whom I was not even aware of. Loving support is appearing each moment from sources I would never have expected.  I myself am humbled to find that I in my open honesty and free love, have silently made so much of an impact on so many lives.  I have often found myself berating myself for not being more loving and honest, for not giving more, for not being available for every soul who is in need when I have nothing to offer them.

I am discovering that life is a magnificent maze and we encounter those whom we are meant to leave with a silent blessing unknown to them or to us.  The blessing returns at the most unlikely and unexpected time.   While we are on that maze we pass those who may seem to be in need but their appointment with their salvation is meant to be with someone else.  How intricate is the designs we have designed before we even clothed ourselves in this flesh.  I continue to be in awe of this infinite mandala we call life whose pattern expands from the Source of All that Is.

Thank you, every one of you, for giving me the gift of your love and compassion.  I need it as I peck myself out of the shell of the old life and into a new one which I cannot even guess about.  My feathers are wet, and I am disoriented and addle brained right now but this to will develope into a stable and more fruitful existance.  Though I am hesitant to say it, I will have more time to devote to growing in spirit and participating in the things I would have liked to but didn't, because Ray was not aware enough to appreciate them.  Now he will be with me with full understanding!

Blessings of love and light

Berry

Each day is another challenge and at the same time a new experience.  Ray is ever present!  How often during the day, do I wonder what's next, and the subtle thought comes to  me, "here is the answer".  I thrill each time I get that knowing that he is indeed right beside me, and continuing to offer love and support in my blind fumbling to travel through this change.

He particularly is giving me guidance in how to comfort the dogs. I am not a "dog person". He was,  I am the cat person.  They miss him incredibly and every time I come home they search to see if he has arrived with me.   It breaks my heart sometimes.  So I am offering more love and attention to them than I ever have.  The problem, starting today, is that I must go to work.  I cannot leave them in the house for up to 10 hours unattended. So.....I put both Harvey and Heidi outside this morning when I left for work at 6:30.   I came home early today so I could shorten their day today but I can't do that all the time.

They are not  campers.  On the other hand, I kept the cat in and she was not happy either. I nearly got sneared at and hissed at when I got home and finally let her out!  Oh my what is a parent to do with his unruly children???

The other change I am having to deal with is rather minor but a big change for me.  I, three days a week, leave the house very early to go to the gym and workout.  I can't do that anymore. I dare not leave so early as I was used to in order to make sure the dogs and cats have their food and comfort and  get them outside before I leave.  Fortunately I have some weight equipment here and this morning I did my workout here instead of going to the gym..What does that do, it means that I have separated myself from the fellowship I have with some very dear friends at the gym.  We will continue to keep in touch but I have lost a source of social interaction which was uniquely my own. 

So unexpected changes are ongoing.  I am up to it and I know that during this time of Global Change we cannot expect that things will remain the same.

I am hearing of an unbelievable number of stories just like mine of unexpected illnesses and transitions out of this world.  I am not surprised as I have been receiving channeled messages from sources which have said that those who were not prepared for the coming changes and ascension would choose to exit and return after the shift. 

Why am I not more devastated?  Because I know that this physical life is only a temporary experience in the human body and that we are indeed spiritual beings who have chosen this physicality for a time to grow spiritually.   Do I grieve Ray's absence?  Absolutely. Do I find myself incapacitated because he is not here physically?  No, no, no!  He is only as far away as a whisper, a thought, a dream.  He has already been with me in dream time twice!  What a wonder. I am delighted and overwhelmed when I am experiencing this cross over to his side of the spectrum. 

,,,,,,,,,,

I just heard from my brother and his lover who are planning to be with me  in two weeks. I now can plan the wake I have intended to celebrate Ray's transition.  I am so excited about getting our friends together to remember all of the good time we have shared and let Ray know that we are here to cheer him on with love and affection.

With that I say, Om shanti, shanti, shanti

L&L

Berry

I want to present this quote from The Autobiography of a Yogi, by Paramhansa Yogananda.

"I realized anew that God wants His children to love everything as a part of Him, and not to feel delusively that death ends all.  The ignorant man sees only the unsurmountable wall of death, hiding, seemingly forever, his cherished friends (and beloveds).  But the man of unattachment, he who loves others as expressions of the Lord, understands that at death the dear ones have only returned for a breathing space of joy in Him."

I thank all of you for your loving support and prayers during this time.  "I know whom I have believed in."

Love and light to all

Berry

Brian,

Twice since Ray transitioned, he has been in my dreams, in a very comforting fashion.  Both were as if we were still doing the normal routines but he seemed happy and without pain.  No messages other than than. So, yeah, I believe that the spirits of those who have moved to a higher level of this density can and do visit those loved ones which they have temporarily departed from, in dreams, manifestations, and in speaking to the conscious mind in synchronistic happenings.  Thanks for sharing that  story. It is lovely.