I just had a very interesting experience with shame and creativity.
I woke up this morning with an inspiration in me, it didn't yet manifest, so I picked up my guitar, a pen and a pad and started to write. At first I wanted to make it rhyme, but soon found that doing so was actually locking me into a stuck place rather than helping the flow unfold. So I scratched that idea and started to write what came to me and put some music to it all.
It felt great to write it, it felt great to play it, and it felt great later in the morning to record it. Then I thought that I would send it to some of my friends, and as I was entering their emails, I started to feel shame. A LOT of shame. Not the humiliation kind of shame, but more like the awkward giggly embarrassment.
Shame stops us from following our interests, dreams and desires - it's a biological survival mechanism that creatures like moths don't have. If a month had the biological shame, it would not keep flying toward the fire, but instead when it got burned the first time, it would feel the affect of shame that would interfere with the interest affect (good book on shame & affects: Shame & Pride by Nathanson).
So I decided not to click the "Send" button just yet and be with shame and appreciate it, dance with it, and try to see what it has to offer. I called Beth (bethreuter), and we had a lot of fun talking about this. Do I care what others think of me? As much as I would like to say "No, I don't give a damn about others' judgements," apparently I do.
The song doesn't have rhymes, it's a rough recording, oh it's not this or too that, blah, blah, excuses. I gave up on the excuses part - I knew I wanted to send it, and just decided to be with the experience. Feeling exposed, showing my inner self, allowing others to not accept me, and be vulnerable to feel it all completely.
So anywhoo, here is the song (attached) - it's about the our silly denial of love :-)
Love & Light,