the 'we' in 'me'

Dear friends,

Below is a message I just sent to all my personal friends and family.  I thought you should also get it.

With much love.



Dear friends and family,

This will probably sound a bit weird to some of you but I think you'll find it interesting.

Sorry about the length of it.  I couldn't help it.  You can scroll down to the last section of this essay and read a few lines of my 'conclusions', if you think them intriguing you can read the rest later to find out how I came to those conclusions.

I recently took a free online course called Transformation Course.  I had read most of the information in the course before, but there was some new stuff, and this was the first place where all of it was set in context, the consciousness/awareness stuff right next to the nefarious/dark stuff we see in the world today.  Very interesting and useful.

I think I can safely say that a transformation in my perception has taken place.  It is now just a matter of practice and growth, becoming more confident in my 'new' state of mind.

Why should I tell you something so personal as the state of my perception mechanism?

Well, that is one of the things that I've learned.  My understanding of who and what we are has changed a bit.  Basically, I see ourselves as carbon based, biological receiving and transmitting units, relay points, if you will.  From a long time ago I've had the impression that we were receiving messages.  I just didn't get the other end of the equation, the transmitting, which is just as important as receiving.  So, this is what I'm doing.  Relaying some information I've received.  Some of you may be ready to receive it, some not, and that's OK, take whatever you can use, if any.  I'm just like one of Thomas' Friends, I "want to be useful".  (Those with young children or grandchildren know what I'm talking about    :-)

And what is it that we are receiving and transmitting?
The most obvious is thoughts and ideas.  These we do with words and images.  The not so obvious is feelings, vibrations, energy.  These we do silently, and mostly unknowingly, subconsciously.  This invisible, unconscious part of the messages we send out may have a greater impact on the receiver than the verbal or visible portion of the message.

And what is the content of these messages we are receiving and transmitting?
Essentially there are only 2 types of content and they depend entirely on the source of the information.  There are an infinite variety of forms this information can take, but the content will be only one or the other.  One is Love (oneness) the other is its opposite, which is not hate as most of us suppose, but Fear (separation).  There have been many enlightened individuals that have come to this level of existence to teach us this lesson, but their message has always been misinterpreted and distorted to suit the current operating paradigm (separation).  Because we are beings with a free will and therefore ultimately responsible for the effects of our actions, that is the way it had to happen.

We needed to learn from our own experience to make a free will decision to direct our vital energy in a particular direction, oneness or separation, for that vital energy, collectively, is what ultimately creates the world we live in.  We needed to see, experience, the only and inevitable result of the paradigm of separation, the world we live in with all the approaching calamities visible to anyone willing to see:  degradation of our habitat, peak oil, lack of water, destruction of top soil, the increase of hunger around the world, collapse of the financial system, the great species die-off, huge dead ocean areas, overpopulation, resource wars, governance by lies, global warming (man made or not makes no difference, it IS happening and we'll need to respond to it), sea level rise (of particular concern to the low lands), and many other intractable problems our communities are facing or will be facing soon.  Any one of these problems would be an enormous challenge for the world to tackle.  All of them coming at the same time is a situation that requires a miracle in order for humanity so survive.

The miracle, of course, will happen when we change our mind.  When our operating principle becomes one of unity, oneness, instead of separation, otherness.  How can that happen?  Our personal experiences will point to it.  And it's already happening.  I may just be one of the latest to realize it, but there are thousands and perhaps hundreds of thousands that have come to know this and are operating in this form.  Still a small number compared to the overall population, but it is growing.  And it's inevitable that it will keep growing in numbers.  It is a natural process.  Like seeds sprouting underground when the conditions are right.  For a long time the ground has been bare and brown, then you come back in a couple of days and the whole area is now green.  Amazing!  An overnight change!  Even though the process has been in progress, underground, for quite some time.

This is the personal experience that brought me to this conclusion:

The setup.
My granddaughter has been having troubles at school.  She's not doing her assignments in class.  When she gets her assignment paper, she does the first couple of problems then she doodles all over the page for the rest of the time assigned.  Then she has to stay with the teacher after school to finish her work, at which time she does it in short order.  So it's not that she's not smart enough, or that she has attention problems.  We suspect she has a big rebellious attitude and has issues with authority.  Her Mom and Dad had to go and have a talk with her teacher to discuss the matter.  She could be flunked and remain in this class for another year which means she could loose her friends as they move on and she stays behind.  It was decided that the parents would have to talk to her and explain the consequences of her behavior.

The experience.
Hard to believe, but, it's difficult to find corn tortillas here in Holland.  Not even the big international markets have them, or at least we've not found them anywhere.  I've been wanting to make tostadas for a long time.  I knew there's a little Mexican store in Utrecht that sells art and curious from Mexico.  Since I had to go to the city on a few errands, I thought I'd give it a try and at least find out if they know where I can find the tortillas.  This was last Friday, December 4th. I went to check it out.  As luck would have it, not only do they stock corn tortillas, they also have tostadas!  So I don't have to fry the tortillas.  I told the lady that I'd be back after I do my shopping around town so they won't defrost after I buy them.

The advertisement for the tortillas and tostadas states that they have packages of 60 and 30 tostadas. When I got back I asked for a package of 30.  The nice woman went to the freezer in the back and got a package of 60 tostadas, frozen.  After taking them out of the plastic bag she proceeded to separate them with a knife, holding the stack of tostadas with her left hand and inserting the tip of the blade into the stack of tostadas with her other hand and pulling toward her.  As she was doing it, she reminded me of Margreet, who was deathly afraid of knifes.  I mentioned it to her in an attempt to hint that she was in danger of cutting herself.  She kept on doing it the same way.  A couple of time the knife slipped and narrowly missed her hand.  I just winced.  I felt like grabbing her hand, turning the knife so the sharp edge was away from her and have her push away from her.  But I thought "No, that's too forward.  What if she gets offended?"  So it went.  Fortunately she didn't cut herself.

After quite sometime, since she had to separate them 2 or 3 at a time so they would not break, and making sure that I had at least thirty of them, it was time for me to pay.  As I was reaching for my wallet I saw her rubbing her finger.  They must be cold, I thought.  It occurred to me, I felt an impulse to reach and grab her hand and rub her finger with my own hands, that would make her warm in no time.  But, then again, I decided against it.  What would she think?  A stranger reaching out and grabbing her hand?  Too forward.  It's just not done.  So I let it at that.

I was rushing back to my car in the parking lot in the Hoog Katerijn carrying my defrosting tostadas in a plastic bag when an old lady stopped me and asked me for help to walk to the other side of the boulevard because she was afraid of some people on the sidewalk.  They looked like winos resting on the steps of a building.  (Or at least that is what I understood.  My Dutch is not the best it could be  :-(  )  For I moment I considered telling her about my unfreezing tostadas and that I didn't have any time, but I thought "Oh what the heck, it can't take too long"  So we started walking back toward the corner, slowly, she didn't walk very fast.  She started telling me about her situation.  Among other things I didn't understand, she's homeless and alone.  When we get to the corner I ask her where she wants to go?  I thought she wanted to cross the boulevard, but she says that she wants to go to some sort of shelter where she can lay down and rest, but she needs 21 Euros.  "Ah..." I think  "She wants money.  She could have just asked for it to begin with."  I give her all the money I have.  Not much since I've been shopping.  We start walking back and she keeps telling me her story.  She's religious.  Believes in God.  She's been told that she will see Christ somewhere, but she can't find Him.  I'm wondering how I can help this poor woman, but there's not much I can do, I just tell her to keep believing, she will come accross Him.  As she's talking little pools of saliva form at the corners of her mouth.  I wonder if I should reach inside my pocket, take Klinex out and wipe her mouth.  I don't.  One thing I DID do was pull her coat close over her shoulder as it seem to be ready to fall off her, and it was cold.  As we get close to the corner another derelict is coming our way.  She tells me he's her friend.  He's the only one that helps her.  After meeting him I wish them good luck and I take off, fast, to the garage.

As I'm driving back to the house, windows open so the tostadas won't unfreeze, I think about what I could have said to her about Christ.  I could have said (in Dutch, believe it or not) that He was hiding in every person she met, but before she could see Him she would need to find Him in herself.  I don't know if she would have understood, but at least that is my concept of how it works.

The Insight.
Back at the house. I asked our daughter about how the school situation is going on.  She tells me that before going to bed the child told her that she's decided to do her assignments during the class.  Ha!  Hallelujah!  She evaluates the situation and makes a decision.  Good for her!  I know she'll do well.

Around 2 in the morning I wake up and can't go back to sleep.  I sit up and start meditating.  That's what I do when I can't go to sleep.  Why waste time trying to go to sleep?  Anyway, as I'm meditating the concept of "the world is a hologram" comes up.  In the days before the holographic process had been discovered it used to be "the world you see is a reflexion of your inner world".  I've always had a lot of trouble with that.  How can the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, the financial and political corruption be a reflexion of something in me?  (One time I tried to find those aspects in me and talk to them, get to know them [Don't laugh about it.  It's a technique to deal with suppressed aspects of our psyche] but all I got was sick to my stomach.  I almost threw up.  So I quit that attempt right away)  In any case, it may not work in the macro-world but this night I found out that it DOES work with the immediate world, the stuff that's in my personal experience, as opposed to the world I know of from reports by other people.

As I sat there contemplating this concept of a holographic reality, I noticed how the situation with my granddaughter fitted exactly with my experience.  I've always considered myself to be in a place of higher learning.  My whole lifetime is for the purpose of learning something of value beyond this particular stretch of time.  When Margreet was with me physically, we had many experiences that pointed to the reality of "something" other than the physical, 3 dimensional laws.  Many times we said that we seemed to be "guided" to events that confirmed and reinforced our belief in this "something" higher, more valuable/precious, than what the material world was offering us.

So, assuming that this "thing" that is pointing us around in specific directions is our teacher/instructor/master/higher self/Holy Spirit/Guardian Angel/whatever...  I can now clearly see that I was given an "assignment paper" in the form of impulses/intuitions/feelings to go and find out about the corn tortillas along with a few other tasks that I needed to do in the city, like getting a new phone provider, getting some art supplies, and just walking around Utrecht (I love walking around the center of these old cities).  I DID a few of the tasks correctly.  I did go to the Mexican store (I could just as easily canceled the visit for another time and get sidetracked with visiting bookstores, or whatever.  I've done it before), I did accompany the old lady and tried to help her, I did pull her coat over her shoulders, but for the other "tasks" in the "assignment sheet" I just doodled around the page.  I didn't follow those clearly felt impulses.  (That's a definite 'flunk!' bud.  You may have to stay another lifetime in this classroom if you don't learn to do it right!)    Surprised       

And what the old lady was telling me, that she was a believer,  that she believed that God was real, that she had been told that she would be able to see Christ in the streets although she couldn't find Him...   THAT is ME!  That IS what I believe, and what I've been told (by the Course on Miracles).  And what I thought I should have told her, that to see Christ in the streets she must first find Him inside her, THAT is what I've been told by this same Course on Miracles and other esoteric, mystical, spiritual teachings.

So, I'm sitting there in the middle of the night, in the dark, not moving a muscle, breathing slowly, rhythmically, and inside I'm jumping up and down in great leaps, walking on the ceiling and shouting for joy at the top of my lungs because it's true... It IS true...  IT IS TRUE!!!! 

It IS like a hologram!  My "guide" IS real!  Those perfect strangers are somehow vitally connected to my existence and wellbeing.  They ARE a part of me, that larger 'me' which is still unknown and which is now my task to discover.  I've not been fooling myself into believing some unreal fantasy.  I will be able to learn to see the "face of Christ" in my brothers.  There ARE other dimensions of existence that are trying to help us survive this mess we've made. What was before 'known' only  intellectually is now 'imprinted' in my awareness through this live, real time, emotional experience.  This is why I said above that "It is now just a matter of practice and growth, becoming more confident in my 'new' state of mind."

Can you appreciate the awesome and delicate beauty of this magnificently interconnected web of life?  These supposedly unconnected and independent living entities, acting upon their own internal commands provided me with the exact stimulus I needed to come to this insight.  Who knows, maybe the lady in the Mexican store never cuts the stacks of tostadas that way.  She may have only done it this time "for some strange reason".  I'll be watching very closely when I go back for my next stack.  Call me crazy, but this is better than the best psychedelic experience I ever had!

BTW, I talked with my granddaughter today, about how it went in school.  She told me she was the 3rd one to finish her assignment.  And the first two are much older than her!   That's my girl!  I hope I'm half as good as she is with my assignments!

So, below are a few thoughts that have sprung from this new state of mind:

Although there is a sovereign 'I' in us,
the one that must make the free will decisions,
it is more accurate to think of 'me' as 'we'
for all our thoughts and feelings
are formed and shaped by others who are part of 'me'.

Turns out we are carbon based
biological relay units
meant to receive and transmit
not only thoughts and ideas
but also feelings, vibrations, and energy
that comes from...

The Creator
The original Source
The one that caused the Big Bang.

We are one.
In this place there is no one above us
but there is also no one below us.
Some of us have know this for a long time.
Some of us are just waking up to this.
Many of us are still living the separation nightmare.

We are awakening.
We are beginning to see the connections.
We are understanding what it means 'to give is to receive'.
We have much repair work to do.
We have much joy to pull us through.

Some day soon,
We will pull our defenses down
and see our brother as the friend he is, for the first time, again.
Some day soon,
We will lay our weapons down
and refuse to follow insane orders from those who are still asleep.

We are not suicidal!

We simply... ARE.



In Love and Light,

your brother,


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