Back in 2006 I began to journal. I opened a word document….titled it “Random Thought Processes” entered the date and typed away. Mostly I came up with questions – which I thought showed my ignorance. In hindsight I am seeing how powerful this process was and is! I ask questions….. and life follows me along….. and gives me the “experience” of the answer.
I am one who has felt that I must have picked the most basic spiritual vehicle for traveling. I didn’t seem to have any special connections to the spirit world, didn’t really understand the energy system that my body is made up of, never experienced any insights as a child that there was something more to life than what I was experiencing. I didn’t have any strong religious upbringing to muddy the waters, or on the other hand, to provide some clarity of life. When I view your profiles and see the amazing spiritual connections you grew up with, or read of your mystical experiences, I must admit that I experience a twinge of envy. Wow – I wonder how my life could have been different had I known I was more than this body, or received a higher level of information, or felt I had a guiding force with me? The first week of February this year, I had my very first (verifiable to me) mystical experience. Wow – what an experience!
There has always been some type of force within that has propelled me to learn and grow. At first it was the adventure of childhood, and young adult life. Then it got harder. When the best of my ideas/attempts/dreams turned into some of my worst experiences I began to doubt myself. So the force to learn shifted to another level. How can I fit into the outside world better/easier? I tried to twist myself into the same configurations that I thought others were shaped in. All the while wondering why it was so hard for me to just be normal – like everyone else – (quiet chuckle). Shifting into another level, which I call my spirituality, has been my latest adventure. And here I am again…. Sometimes feeling like I am in the slow learner’s class!!
Although I didn’t come in with any “spiritual modules connected” (for lack of better words), I am beginning to understand that I was propelled into learning through my “experiential” reality. Just another pathway - as in the neural networks of the brain.
I am so very glad to have been able to connect with you here at the G-spot. Especially Now when it seems as though life is about to make a dramatic and exciting change. It is nice to feel that I am here - right on time ….. and I am beginning to relax into the knowing that this has always been true.
It is said that we have not been to this place/time/alignment before. This is it….In full living color and sensation. This is the place in time where “we” finally make it. (Make it where – I don’t quite know.) It is said I will awaken to who I truly am. Before I fully awaken I have a desire to document and be fully aware of what “asleep” felt like. To transcribe what it was like to fully forget who I am….and what it was like to live within that forgetfulness. The joy and the despair. And the gentle (did I really say “gentle”?) awakening and remembering of who I am. Having not yet fully awakened, I still do not know who I am. I have tried all I know and have read, or been told, to wake up and still this dream runs on. I still wake up each morning here….. Within a routine of what I call “my life”. It is painful here. And it is sweet and joyous here. Emotions are sometimes confusing and can be quite intense. The scenery is breathtaking. Digging into the mystery…. results in revealing …..more mystery. And then again, it is entirely possible that the “awakening” that I have read about, is just something I have held onto which allows me some hope and meaning in my life.
I have spent many years reading, researching and surfing…. And I find that I am running into a repetition of information now. It’s repeating patterns resemble fractals….expanding out, producing repeating patterns of varying intensities, vibration, colors, lightness and darkness, etc., but still just a repetition of something I have read and learned before. I don’t - by any stretch of the imagination - feel that I know it all though. It’s just that my mind is weary of research. (Or is it my heart that has grown weary?) I long for connection now. My new research is my experience. My life. Paying attention to the changes in my consciousness and the outward manifestations reflecting this.
I enjoy connecting and sharing with others who are also experiencing this shift….who are aware that it is happening. If I may ask one request of you within this topic, please leave your links at the door unless you feel it is strongly needed or relevant. I wish to communicate with you in your own words…… from your heart. That, my friend, is more valuable to me than any article, channeling or video.
Can we have a conversation here - heart to heart - about this shift we are stepping through? Please consider yourself invited.
With respect, love and gratitude,