Questioning Life… Experiencing the Shift…..And Connecting

Back in 2006 I began to journal.  I opened a word document….titled it “Random Thought Processes” entered the date and typed away.  Mostly I came up with questions – which I thought showed my ignorance.   In hindsight I am seeing how powerful this process was and is!  I ask questions….. and life follows me along….. and gives me the “experience” of the answer.


I am one who has felt that I must have picked the most basic spiritual vehicle for traveling.  I didn’t seem to have any special connections to the spirit world, didn’t really understand the energy system that my body is made up of, never experienced any insights as a child that there was something more to life than what I was experiencing.   I didn’t have any strong religious upbringing to muddy the waters, or on the other hand, to provide some clarity of life.  When I view your profiles and see the amazing spiritual connections you grew up with, or read of your mystical experiences, I must admit that I experience a twinge of envy.  Wow – I wonder how my life could have been different had I known I was more than this body, or received a higher level of information, or felt I had a guiding force with me?  The first week of February this year, I had my very first (verifiable to me) mystical experience.  Wow – what an experience!


There has always been some type of force within that has propelled me to learn and grow.  At first it was the adventure of childhood, and young adult life.  Then it got harder.  When the best of my ideas/attempts/dreams turned into some of my worst experiences I began to doubt myself.  So the force to learn shifted to another level.  How can I fit into the outside world better/easier?    I tried to twist myself into the same configurations that I thought others were shaped in.   All the while wondering why it was so hard for me to just be normal – like everyone else – (quiet chuckle).    Shifting into another level, which I call my spirituality, has been my latest adventure.  And here I am again…. Sometimes feeling like I am in the slow learner’s class!!  


Although I didn’t come in with any “spiritual modules connected” (for lack of better words), I am beginning to understand that I was propelled into learning through my “experiential” reality.   Just another pathway  - as in the neural networks of the brain.


 I am so very glad to have been able to connect  with you here at the G-spot.  Especially Now when it seems as though life is about to make a dramatic and exciting change.   It is nice to feel that I am here - right on time ….. and I am beginning to relax into the knowing that this has always been true.


It is said that we have not been to this place/time/alignment before.  This is it….In full living color and sensation.  This is the place in time where “we” finally make it.  (Make it where – I don’t quite know.)  It is said I will awaken to who I truly am.  Before I fully awaken I have a desire to document and be fully aware of what “asleep” felt like.  To transcribe what it was like to fully forget who I am….and what it was like to live within that forgetfulness.  The joy and the despair.   And the gentle (did I really say “gentle”?) awakening and remembering of who I am.  Having not yet fully awakened,  I still do not know who I am.  I have tried all I know and have read, or been told, to wake up and still this dream runs on.  I still wake up each morning here….. Within a routine of what I call “my life”.  It is painful here.   And it is sweet and joyous here.   Emotions are sometimes confusing and can be quite intense.  The scenery is breathtaking.  Digging into the mystery…. results in revealing …..more mystery.   And then again, it is entirely possible that the “awakening” that I have read about, is just something I have held onto which allows me some hope and meaning in my life.


I have spent many years reading, researching and surfing….  And I find that I am running into a repetition of information now.  It’s repeating patterns resemble fractals….expanding out, producing repeating patterns of varying intensities, vibration, colors, lightness and darkness, etc.,  but still just a repetition of something I have read and learned before.   I don’t - by any stretch of the imagination - feel that I know it all though.  It’s just that my mind is weary of research.   (Or is it my heart that has grown weary?)    I long for connection now.    My new research is my experience.  My life.   Paying attention to the changes in my consciousness and the outward manifestations reflecting this.


I enjoy connecting and sharing with others who are also experiencing this shift….who are aware that it is happening.   If I may ask one request of you within this topic, please leave your links at the door unless you feel it is strongly needed or relevant.    I wish to communicate with you in your own words…… from your heart.   That, my friend, is more valuable to me than any article, channeling or video. 


Can we have a conversation here - heart to heart -  about this shift we are stepping through?  Please consider yourself invited.


With respect, love and gratitude,









Litha Moon's picture

Hi Mary,

   Just a short note to say how delighted I am when I read your posts. What may I ask was the mystical moment, or am I the real preschooler here and missed the point lol.

   I like to think of the 'awakening' as me 'going gently into that long night', I have not been pushing the issue within myself of late, now I am on the wave and just letting it take me.

   I have also come to the realisation that  action is the result of intention, you have to have both to have an outcome that you desire. Work comes after light, hence lightworker....


Much love, Carol Anne

Call me Mary's picture

Hi Carol Anne,


Glad to see you where able to get back on the net…. I think I did feel your communication attempts because I have been wondering how you are and when you would show back up!  


You didn’t miss any points.  I just haphazardly dropped a pebble into the pond…. Surrounded it with some questions such as:

Is there a way to connect on a deeper level with those having similar experiences?

Can we link “ourselves” and create a new way of communication… such as the internet does with machines?

Can I communicate in a transparent way, exposing my vulnerability and not be hurt within it?  (Am I ready or preparing for telepathy?)

Is anyone else looking for a deeper, heart to heart conversation?

What ripples will result from this?

What direction will this go in?

What topics will others be propelled to add?

And then I topped it off with a sense of new adventure and unassuming expectation.  (If those words can go together.) 


My mystical experience happened when I was getting ready for work one morning.  I had just gotten out of the shower and was finishing getting ready for work.  As I was drying my hair, putting on makeup, brushing my teeth and getting dressed I had the normal random thoughts running through my head.   I was thinking about a subject and all of a sudden I had a very profound understanding.   Such as an “aha” moment.  Nothing special about that really.  When they show up I tend to stop and think, “Wow.  New understanding.”   These do seem to be happening more to me lately.  Well, that morning it felt like every thought I touched upon brought a resulting understanding with it.  And if I continued to think about the same subject matter, the depth of understanding would keep unfolding into more and more profound levels.  It took me about a half an hour of this process, many times stopping my morning process as I looked into the mirror at myself saying, “wow! – That was cool” before I realized something quite different was going on. 


It was coming up on time to leave for work and I was struggling with the decision to call off from work and start writing this incredible stuff down!  I was filled with an exhilaration and an immense sense of love.  I decided to just continue my routine, trusting in the process, and went into work.  I walked in with an unshakable smile on my face.  My thoughts were screaming, “OMG – How can I even describe what is happening inside of me to anyone here?”  And following those thoughts, came profound understanding and joy. And more questions.  (Why did I need to tell anyone of what was happening?….. followed my more understanding.)  


I opened up a Word document determined to capture some of this for myself.  I started typing an explanation of how this started and what was happening.….. and found that like waking from a dream…. This profound understanding was beginning to escape my grasp and turning into wispy fragments.    I threw out any effort at grammer and  complete sentences and started typing out the base understandings that I could still tap into.   Within probably an hour after arriving at work, my mind had been returned to it’s normal operating system.   Darn…


I was filled with such an incredible feeling that lasted the rest of the day.  I was almost bursting with exhilaration and love.  I noticed that morning how almost every person I work with came into the area where I sit, sometimes a group of them, staying and talking, laughing and joking.  My desk is not a normal gathering place.   I loved them all immensely that morning.


When I look back at what I wrote that morning….  Well..  the words are kind of flat and the meanings don’t seem to be such a big deal after all.   I came away with a new understanding from my experience.  The mystical experience is personal.  It’s deep meaning is for the person experiencing it.   Although I had read these things before….I didn’t understand it.  Since I “experienced” it….. Well… let’s just say the light bulb is on!  Would I like for it to happen again?  You bet!!  Next time I want to have some good questions ready to throw in there though.   Got any suggestions?


Loving you… and loving me…..





Viveka's picture

Thank You Dear Mary for opening your Blessed Heart, I pray therefore that those who enter tread softly and with awe, for no greater privilege can a person give than to open the Heart and let another in..... Dear Mary from what I am seeing, you have chosen the perfect vehicle for traveling, a seeking Mind and an open Heart. How wonderful! The experience of the agony and the extacy follows yes, but how wonderous  just the same. Your question, "Is there anyone else looking for deeper Heart to Heart conversation" Struck a chord May I share what I have discovered? Being an Air-headed Aquarian I certainly love to philosophise, question, share the talk with others on level three. Here's the But, and my experience of Deep Peace. To sit within the quietness of the Sacred Heart, the mind eventually settles, the waters of emotion still, (here words fail, for the rest can only be experienced,) it goes for beyond tantric union for here there is nothing separate to be joined, separateness and union are the same. I found that my mind searched far and wide like a wandering philosopher seaking, searching, exploring, wanting to belong and be longed for. I like yourself and I'm sure everyone else had flashes of "insght" but I came to the conclusion it was't the insights, it was the spaces inbetween that brought my mind to stop and listen or be still, that I was being guided to. "Insight".   Dear Mary you asked for truth Heart to Heart. If I may This is a portion of my story, It is told not with grief but with Love and a deeper understanding of Self. In 1992 A Beloved Daughter 18 years old passed through the Mists after a failed Heart Lung Transplant. Three months before the transplant she said to me. "Mum when I die, don't let anyone stand on your left coz thats where I will be. Well as you can imagine at the time of her funeral I was very conscious of my left, at one stage one of her friends came and stood at my side, yes on the left, this was a young man that went to her skating rink, he had torn jeans ragged hair and abot 20 rings through various parts of his face and a hand full of knuckledusters. I looked at him and felt guilty that I could not say please move away thats where Bronwyn will be. But new she loved and brought home many damaged kids, I'm sure she will forgive me.  Well about two years after her passing my sister said Jan I know we have done it all before but do you want to come to a psychic developement group? It may be a bit of fun. Well the Trauma with Bronwyn really stired up the waters of Faith as you can Imagine, and I thought Yes Right in your dreams. But went along anyway. It was held on two nights a week and we decided to go on diferent nights because we knew each other too well, On my night there was a circle of 8 people as usuall there was a psychometry reading each night and before we began there would be a twenty minute Meditation to ask for guidance and bring in our guides. Directly to my left there was a young very angry woman, to her left there was an English Lady who was a fantastic reader, and we each hoped that she was the one doing our reading for the night. One week the angry young woman didn't turn up so her chair was left empty. On this night we go into Meditation, bring in the guides and ask for protection, during the Meditation A brilliant Ball of light appeared in front of me at the point of the third eye and I heard Bronwyn say "Look Mum I've got a new Heart"  I remember thinking wow how great, but I didn't quite get it. anyway during the night the English woman picked up the three objects of mine at different times to read. And Each time she simply said I'M sorry I am not getting any information all I am picking up is a brilliant White Light on my (her) right,{ My left,} well I sat there thinking great the best reader in the house and all she gets is a bright light. I went home afterwards (A bit miffed I might add)  Sat in the darkened kitchen quietly, before going to bed. Sitting there I heard Bronwyn's words three months before she passed. "Mum don't let anybody stand on you left cos thats where I will be "Suddenly the whole thing reached my Heart and unfolded like a flower. I was an hysterical mess pacing the floor "Does she Know How Much I love Her?, Does She Know How Much I Love Her I cried?." There is much more to this but looking back at that experience now. Dear Mary I think one of the things this 'I now realize Blessing  taught me' was the difference between Mind thinking, and Heart Knowing and acceptance. I guess what I am trying to convey Dear Mary is, Silence is Golden.

Love and Peace


ksaulino's picture

Good morning!

I've not been prolific in my writing here as of late, but I truly love this team, and am so glad to see you join the group.  What great minds, and hearts find their way here!  Truly inspiring to me.  

I, like you, haven't had a ton of mystical experiences to guide me.  I DID grow up in what we call a "very Catholic family" - I'm the youngest of 12 children, and went to church every week from the time I was in vitro, until I went off to college.  I'm now 43, not Catholic any longer, but have what I'd call a mystic's relationship with the Divine.  Since my native tongue is Christian, I can feel a brotherly closeness with Jesus.  He protects me, and in my lonely hours, keeps me company.  Nothing profound or verifiable, but there's a presence that feels sweet and gentle.  He's a good guy.

My journey really started out when my marriage started falling apart.  Questions about life began to well up.  Then I started reading.  And reading.  As the internet became more efficient, and widely used (lol - remember when it WASN'T?  I barely can!), I dug into the spiritual side of things, and found many people out there with the same longings.  I found Reiki, which allowed me to experience Divine energy moving within my body and through my body.  It empowered me.  It helps me feel like I am part of that Energy.  It helps me sit with the fact that there will always be mysteries, and that I don't need to know all the secrets.  It's on a need to know basis.  :)  

I'm still on training wheels, but I'm at least pedaling.  I often stand in awe of those with more experience and more knowing.  It's then that I realize that as I learn from them, so they learn from me - even if just to refine their own understanding, by passing it along.  

I encourage my son when he has a problem to not always try to solve it alone, but to share the concern with a friend or family member.  Maybe the other person will have an answer, or maybe he will figure it out just through the process of describing the problem to someone else, or better still, perhaps there is something far greater to be built when two or more people gather to solve that problem in a new and different way.  That's kind of how I see the Gathering Spot.  Our place to ask questions - to work things out together - to come up with something better than we ever could have done on our own.

Not sure if this even answers your question, but it does have me smiling for some odd reason this Monday morning.

Much love and light to you,



Call me Mary's picture


At times I understand the dog who chases his tail… striving so hard to just go a little faster and finally “get it” and understand just what has been the force keeping it just-in- front-of- and-out-of-reach  lol!!   I think I understand on some level that it has been me all along.   


Janet, I long so very much for that deep peace you described with the words... “To sit within the quietness of the Sacred Heart”.     And for the experience of Oneness.  I have the “mind” learning of it….  And yet I sit here, stuck in my illusion of separation with only faith to guide my way.   Being ever the passionate Aries “Child”… I want to stamp my feet and whine that it’s my turn now.    Yes… patience… and silence -  indeed! 


Blessings returned to you, dear sister Janet.  I am truly grateful for your heartfelt sharing.  The deep pain of your story was not missed….. Nor was the Love.


Kathy, I understand that smile….for it is now on my face  after reading your post.  This type of sharing gives me a feeling similar to being fed a marvelous meal when one is extremely hungry…. Being wrapped in a warm blanket when one is cold.  (Do you perhaps incorporate Reiki in your posts?  They....your posts.....always feel so good.)  It is very nice to meet you here.


About five or six years ago I made a choice to walk alone for a bit.  I had a tendency to jump from one intimate relationship into another – most times ending one by jumping into another.  Upon realizing my insanity (doing the same action and expecting different results) I finally stopped.  I rented a small place, bought a twin sized bed and began my relationship with myself.   It’s been real and it’s been fun….but it hasn’t always been both!!


The past few months have seemed to get a bit tougher for me.  And I guess in a way I was asking for some help out here.  Someone to perhaps link my arms (or heart) with, for I have grown very weary of “Level 3”.  (Love that one Janet – hope you don’t mind if I use it too!)   My steps have faltered a bit and I appreciate knowing you are there. 


I am deeply honored by your posts.  Thank you so very much.


With deep love and gratitude,




PS - I am still filled with awe by that stunning profile picture of yours, Janet! 

ksaulino's picture

Hi, again, Mary.

Please know that as the sensitive types, we will sometimes feel things much more deeply than the average person.  We are open to all that is, and sometimes that gets a bit intense and overwhelming.  I sense that as I journey further down this path, and I increase my ability to handle things, the intensity just continues to dial upward.  Some days, it feels like walking through hip deep mud.  Some days there's an alligator tailing me, too.  LOL

I think most of the folks on the G-Spot team get that.  We're here to silently support you on your journey.  The good news is, even when the mud is hip deep, and the alligator is tailing you, there is something in the story to be joyful about.  Mostly because we figure out it is just a story.  :)

You've picked a great place to be.  You're safe here.

Much love and light to you,


(I think most of my writing is infused with Reiki energy - I've already blown out 3 computers since I started practicing Reiki.  Electrical issues.  Go figure. )



Viveka's picture

Dear Mary Thank You Smile

My Heart = Your Heart........How would it Feel it you were already the Peace that you were looking for?

Love and a Big Bear Hug

The Gathering Spot is a PEERS empowerment website
"Dedicated to the greatest good of all who share our beautiful world"