humor

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers

All  in a word

The boss had to fire somebody and he narrowed it down to one of two people - Debra or Jack.
It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin,he decided he would fire the first one who used
the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night.

Conversation with a Little Girl
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane
When the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that
flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said
to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

'You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one,' the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear.

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D - Age Activated Attention
Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide
it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I
brought up from the mail box earlier.

Pfizer Announcement