humor

As chaplain in a university residence hall, I am supposed to uphold all
of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a
kitten adopted me.

The freshmen in my dorm kept my secret. They covered for me by calling my kitten "the Book," since I had so many in my room.

Dear Abby:

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice.

The below message came to me in an email today. Great stuff!!! Love and laughter, Fred

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF.

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

A CARDIOLOGIST'S DIED AND WAS GIVEN AN ELABORATE FUNERAL. A HUGE HEART COVERED IN FLOWERS STOOD BEHIND THE CASKET DURING THE SERVICE.

FOLLOWING THE EULOGY, THE HEART OPENED ,AND THE CASKET ROLLED INSIDE.

THE HEART THEN CLOSED, SEALING THE DOCTOR IN THE BEAUTIFUL HEART FOREVER.

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling...

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie
went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old
grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,

Why boys need parents...

A Few Jokes for My Irish Friends and Relatives: